Dear Paula

    Hi Paula.  I heard you've had a hard time lately, what with your uncontrollable use of the N-word.  Then you botched the mandatory apology-without-apologizing TV-op.  Now all my tea-bagger friends on FaceBook are signing a let's-forgive-Paula petition.  Tis a pity nobody takes them seriously anymore.  Bad timing, Paula.

    What struck me as odd, though, was your apparent lack of comprehension about the N-word usage.  After all, said you, blacks use it in conversation amongst themselves.  So I thought I'd enlighten you.

    The thing is, racial epithets (look it up. Honkie) can only be used by those of the designated race.  For instance, you and I can use the word Honkie in jest between us, because we're both white.  But if a black called you that, you probably should run away as fast as your lily-white a$$ can move.

    All epithets work that way, Fatso.  I might get away with calling you a Heifer, a Hog, or a Hillbilly Hippo, cuz I'm somewhat overweight myself.  But I'm also a guy, and that may trump the kinship.  And of course, I can't call you a Babe, a Ditz, a Skirt, or the C-word, cuz I'm the opposite gender.  You cute little Bowling-Ball-Butted Bitch, you.

    I hope this clears things up, my little Sweetie Sweat-hog.  If it's any kind of an epithet, and you ain't one of  them, DON'T USE IT!!

    P.S.  That applies to sexual orientation, too.   Two gays can use the F-word (not that F-word, you Twit, the other one.  You know, it rhymes with maggot), but you can't.  At least, I assume you can't.  You are straight, aren't you, Paula?  Tea-Baggers don't like to forgive gays.