PS3 Controller for Adults

Greetings, fellow geezers! The kewlest game system right now is Play Station 3. But its controller (see below) is a bit more complicated than the one you used to use to play Duck Hunter and Mario Kart. So here is a quick primer, in geezer-speak, so that you can play all the neat PS3 games without embarrassing yourself. Too much. .Let's get started. See those two knobs at the bottom? They are both joysticks. The one on the left moves you. The one on the right moves your eyes. Try to remember which is which when Cthuhlu or some other monster is bearing down on you. . At the top left are four directional arrows. They're used for something, but who knows what? Ignore them. Your left thumb should be concentrating on that moves-you joystick. And your pointer finger..., well we'll get to it in a bit. . To their right are two buttons. One marked "Select"; the other marked "Start". Don't worry about these during gameplay. They're only used when you're trying to quit, save a game, or pause. Your character will be dead long before you think about one of those options. . Moving further to the right, we have four VERY IMPORTANT buttons. We'll call them "X", "O", "Triangle", and "Square". You use them for all sorts of vital things - switching weapons, conversing with other characters, jumping, casting spells, lighting lamps, and managing your inventory of loot, artifacts, money, etc. Who knows which does what. Who cares? You have no time to look at your controller when a gazillion Nazis are charging you. Just start pushing all of them as fast as your can. . So you think that's all the buttons, eh? Think again. Down the front of the controller (upwards from the triangle, for instance) are four more. These are for your pointing fingers. They are called "Left One", Left Two", "Right One", and "Right Two". The "two's" are below the "one's". These are also very important. They punch, kick, block, aim, and (most importantly) shoot your BFG. I think most times, Shoot is Right One. and Aim is Left One. Maybe. Maybe not. Try to figure out which one shoots as soon as you start the game. . So there you go. Counting up, you have two joysticks and fourteen (!!) buttons to keep track of. And we won't even tell you how pressing down on the left joystick makes your character crouch or crawl. Now get out there and kick some beastly butt. If you can figure out how to get from TV mode to PS3 mode.