Flat Earth

Root Canal

   Ignoring the typo ("denist"??  really now, nine words and you still managed to misspell one of them?!  Plus, there should be a comma after 'up', to say nothing of periods at the end of both sentences.), this was me, last Thursday, as I underwent a root canal.

Daylight Savings Time

    Spring forward.  Fall back.

LOTR Friday

Book Excerpt for the Day

    “Damn, Kyle, couldn’t you have found a felon that smelled a little less like a garbage truck on a hot day?  Wait, that wasn’t Jackson.  It’s you!”

    “You better get used to it if you want to be a real detective and work the streets.  I’m just trying to maintain my cover.”

    “As what?  A 10-year-old jockstrap?”

    “How’d you guess?”

    (from Guardian of the Red Butterfly by D.S. Cuellar)

    6*/10.  The complete review is here.

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Voice Mail

    True dis.  I am fairly good about responding to text messages.  I am positively horrible about returning voice mail.

Writing God

    I'm a reviewer, not an author.  But if I did sit down to write a novel, this is exactly how I'd be.

Monday Pun Day

    Oy.

Drum Solos

    Frankly, I can keep my hands on the steering wheel during In The Air Tonight.  But the drum solo in In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida is an entirely different story.

Book Excerpt for the Day

    “Nefferati?” Gabriel said.

    “She’s one of the other two True Grace Mages.  She’s a very remarkable woman, which is saying something coming from me.  I’m rather remarkable myself.  She is the oldest mage, True or otherwise.  She was born on the banks of the Euphrates around 3500 BCE and claims to be nearly seven hundred years old, but I suspect she’s lying about her age.  She’s eight hundred, if she’s a day.”

    (from The Wizard of Time by G.L. Breedon)

     7½*/10.  The full review is here.

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Quote for the Day

    Jane Austen holds a special place in my heart.  Not.

Yearbook Deletions

    Full disclosure:  I did this a couple times in my high school and junior high yearbooks.  It's kinda embarrassing to look at it nowadays, but at the time it sure felt good. 

Nature Trivia Wednesday

Phish

    The joke itself has been around for quite some time.  But what amazes me about this comic strip is that the cartoonist knows of, and gives a nod to, the band Phish.

Time-Travel Test

    It worked!!

Diagnostic

    That's me!  I'm a Diagnostic!

Book Excerpt for the Day

    Guns don’t kill people.  People kill people.  (Slogan of the NRA)

    Bats don’t hit home runs.  People hit home runs.

    But if you take away the bats, you can’t hit a home run.  (Anonymous)

    (from The Grouchy Historian by Ed Asner)

  8*/10.  The complete review is here.

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Sale Math

    I hate to quibble, but actually, there is a difference.  It crops up when you want to buy only two (or three) of the item.

Emily Dickinson is a Cucumber

   Really now.  Would you think that the sentence "Emily Dickinson is a cucumber" could ever be uttered and make sense? 

Wednesday Mantra

    This sums up the life philosophy of our three dogs rather well.

Thought for the Day

    You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

Book Excerpt for the Day

    Mockey Jones was one of the one percenters – actually one of the one-tenth of one-tenth percenters – and, while he hadn’t actually earned a dime of his money, it didn’t matter because money was money and it was better to have it and not have it, and better to have a lot of it than only some.  And Mockey Jones had a lot of it.

    Mockey Jones was forty-nine and had left three wives and as  many children scattered in his wake – he gave a little bow as he proceeded down the street in homage to them – but now he was unattached and totally irresponsible, with nothing to do but ski, eat, drink, screw, and yell at his investment advisors.

    (from White Fire by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child)

    8*/10.  The complete review is here.

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Let's Start a Cult

    Sounds like a great idea.  Let's.

Surreal Science Saturday

    I don't understand this comic, and yet I find it rather amusing.

Thesaurus

    Something quick, cuz I'm tired.  At least it's a three-day weekend.

Thursday Punnery

    Last Sunday's "Pearls Before Swine".  Stephan Pastis is a freaking genius when it comes to puns.

Book Excerpt for the Day

    Mr. Dingledine won a seat in the Utah State Senate on a program of rigorous law enforcement, expansion of the state prison system, Federal subsidies for the mining industry, completion of the Utah wilderness freeway system, tax relief for large families and fiscal responsibility in government.  He was elected by an overwhelming plurality over his sole opponent, a retired Paiute whose entire political platform consisted of one plank: free peyote.

    (from The Monkey Wrench Gang by Edward Abbey)

  8*/10.  The complete review is here.

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Truth

    This is why I'd make a lousy philosopher.

Smoke on the Water

    Yeah, that's pretty much all I know.

Brouhaha

    Those are all good suggestions, but IMHO, the finniest word is "brouhaha".

Book Excerpt for the Day

    “Harry,” said Lockhart, his large white teeth gleaming in the sunlight as he shook his head.  “Harry, Harry, Harry.”

    Completely nonplussed, Harry said nothing.

    “When I heard – well, of course, it was my fault.  Could have kicked myself.”

    Harry had no idea what he was talking about.  He was about to say so when Lockhart went on.  “Don’t know when I’ve been more shocked.  Flying a car to Hogwarts!  Well, of course, I knew at once why you’d done it.  Stood out a mile.  Harry, Harry, Harry.”

    It was remarkable how he could show every one of those brilliant teeth even when he wasn’t talking.

    (from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling)

  9*/10.  The complete review is here.

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How Book Reviews Got Started

    ROFLMAO.  Yes, I review books.  Yes, the above applies to me.  And God willing and the creek don't rise, I'll be posting one tomorrow.

Pick-Up Lines

    Yessirree.  All three of our dogs perform this valuable service for us while out on a walk.  Although usually they'll sniff it to point it out.

Wash Day

    True dis.  Every Wednesday and every Saturday.

Happy Birthday Patrick Macnee (John Steed)

    Happy Birthday to Patrick Macnee, who portrayed the incomparable John Steed (alongside the most sexy Diana Rigg) in the 1960's British adventure/spoof TV show The Avengers.

    Yeah, I know I'm showing my age by thinking of the two heroes shown above when someone starts talking about "The Avengers", and not the freakish superheroes from the more-modern movie with the same name.

    But dammit, you young whippersnappers, the 1960's show was better!   😎

Anarchy

    When filling out the paperwork for his first passport, my son listed Revolutionary as his occupation.  I got on to him for this, noting that the US Government has no sense of humor, and would probably run at least a cursory investigation.

    Nope.  They sent him his passport with no questions whatsoever.  Your Homeland Security Department at work.

    And I had to wiki "Emma Goldman".  She was quite the lady.

Book Excerpt for the Day

    It was cold, and a harsh, constant wind tore at us from the east.  The ground was cracked, brown, and featureless as far as I could see.

    “It’s probably nicer at the equator,” said Rex.

    “This is the equator,” I replied.

    “I’m sure it warms up during the summer.”

    “This is summer.”

    “Well, it probably snows in the winter.  I bet that’s nice.”

    “This planet has zero axial tilt.  This is winter too.”

    (from Starship Grifters, by Robert Kroese)

     8*/10.  The full review is here.

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Socializing

    Yah.  Pretty much.

Greek Cows

    It made me laugh.

Islamorada

    I've always been suspicious of those shifty Floridians!