First, Mrs. Tiger won't be there. She's been positively uncooperative in this whole affair. Second, the "friends, colleagues, and close associates" mentioned in the sub-headline will be thoroughly touched. Tears will flow, hankies will get honked, group hugs will abound, and all of them will have heart-touching things to say to Tiger afterwards, conveniently just loud enough for the microphone to pick up. They're doing the sound-testing even as I write this.
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Third, Tiger will tell you he's deeply sorry, but won't say exactly about what. Mostly he's sorry the media won't let this story go. Fourth, he'll tell you that "the overwhelming majority" of the reports of his infidelity are lies, although he won't tell you which ones are true.
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Fifth, he'll tell you he's be working very hard to change his lifestyle, but he won't directly reference any of those phony "sightings" at the various sex rehab clinics that were "leaked" by his PR suits over the last few months. You're supposed to make that connection yourself. Sixth, he's going to announce he going back on tour (he needs the money for the alimony payments), but he won't be taking any questions about his personal life because "he's moving on" and wants you to do the same.
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Oh and last but not least, he won't be flashing those new pearly-whites much, cuz he knows the gossip sheets are going to be comparing "before" and "after" photos. The implants have apparently healed, but are they really perfect replicas of the ones Mrs. Tiger knocked out? We'll see.
.
Good luck , Tiger. You scumbag. You can go back to golf anytime you like, but your womanizing is not going to be forgotten. Your integrity, and therefore your endorsement believability is irretrievably lost.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
YFKM - Tiger Woods speaks!!
It isn't fair. Tiger "Cheetah" Woods keeps hogging up all the YFKM entries. Today's MSNBC headline is shown below. The article is here. Some predictions are in order.
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First, Mrs. Tiger won't be there. She's been positively uncooperative in this whole affair. Second, the "friends, colleagues, and close associates" mentioned in the sub-headline will be thoroughly touched. Tears will flow, hankies will get honked, group hugs will abound, and all of them will have heart-touching things to say to Tiger afterwards, conveniently just loud enough for the microphone to pick up. They're doing the sound-testing even as I write this.
.
Third, Tiger will tell you he's deeply sorry, but won't say exactly about what. Mostly he's sorry the media won't let this story go. Fourth, he'll tell you that "the overwhelming majority" of the reports of his infidelity are lies, although he won't tell you which ones are true.
.
Fifth, he'll tell you he's be working very hard to change his lifestyle, but he won't directly reference any of those phony "sightings" at the various sex rehab clinics that were "leaked" by his PR suits over the last few months. You're supposed to make that connection yourself. Sixth, he's going to announce he going back on tour (he needs the money for the alimony payments), but he won't be taking any questions about his personal life because "he's moving on" and wants you to do the same.
.
Oh and last but not least, he won't be flashing those new pearly-whites much, cuz he knows the gossip sheets are going to be comparing "before" and "after" photos. The implants have apparently healed, but are they really perfect replicas of the ones Mrs. Tiger knocked out? We'll see.
.
Good luck , Tiger. You scumbag. You can go back to golf anytime you like, but your womanizing is not going to be forgotten. Your integrity, and therefore your endorsement believability is irretrievably lost.
First, Mrs. Tiger won't be there. She's been positively uncooperative in this whole affair. Second, the "friends, colleagues, and close associates" mentioned in the sub-headline will be thoroughly touched. Tears will flow, hankies will get honked, group hugs will abound, and all of them will have heart-touching things to say to Tiger afterwards, conveniently just loud enough for the microphone to pick up. They're doing the sound-testing even as I write this.
.
Third, Tiger will tell you he's deeply sorry, but won't say exactly about what. Mostly he's sorry the media won't let this story go. Fourth, he'll tell you that "the overwhelming majority" of the reports of his infidelity are lies, although he won't tell you which ones are true.
.
Fifth, he'll tell you he's be working very hard to change his lifestyle, but he won't directly reference any of those phony "sightings" at the various sex rehab clinics that were "leaked" by his PR suits over the last few months. You're supposed to make that connection yourself. Sixth, he's going to announce he going back on tour (he needs the money for the alimony payments), but he won't be taking any questions about his personal life because "he's moving on" and wants you to do the same.
.
Oh and last but not least, he won't be flashing those new pearly-whites much, cuz he knows the gossip sheets are going to be comparing "before" and "after" photos. The implants have apparently healed, but are they really perfect replicas of the ones Mrs. Tiger knocked out? We'll see.
.
Good luck , Tiger. You scumbag. You can go back to golf anytime you like, but your womanizing is not going to be forgotten. Your integrity, and therefore your endorsement believability is irretrievably lost.
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2 comments:
I agree. A total scumbag. What he must want to play golf again right?? What contriteness. Poor, poor multi-millionjerk!
i scored 5½ out of 7 on my predictions. Full-points on all of them except :
half-off on #4 (he ranted but the media saying he used PED's, not about their reports on his affairs), and no points on #6 (he left the door open to return, but he isn't coming back just yet.)
Tiger's mom did the predicted sound bite (#2). He used "sorry" three times, and "apologize" twice (#3). Mrs. Tiger didn't show (#1). He says he's been in rehab 45 days, but gave no details (#5). and none of the pics so far show his teeth (#7).
all in all, a good, phony effort by Tiger. he's working hard to get those endorsements back.
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