YFKM - Tiger Woods Rehab

Well, MSNBC finally wised up today. Pictured below is their headline from Thursday. Here's a link to their recently-revised story. This whole "Tiger's going to sex rehab" has been a pathetic attempt by his spin doctors. How many sightings have there been already? There was New York, Arizona (lucky us), South Africa (that's a long way to go to learn to keep your zipper up), and now Mississippi. . So let's see. Either all these sightings are true (in which case, Tiger seems to be lasting about one day per clinic), or they're false (in which case, they're remarkably psychic - knowing what type of establishment he'd be spending time at in the future). . The Mississippi sighting is particuarly asinine. We're supposed to believe that the paparazzi were sitting across from the front gate at the Sex Rehab clinic, and were lucky enough to snap some photos just as the gate opened and just as Tiger was walking past. So the clueless guards' conversation must've went something like this : . "Hey, Murray. Isn't it a little weird for that white panel truck to be parked across the street with a telephoto lens sticking out the window? It's beem there two days straight now." "Nah. But hey, Tiger just came out of the spa. We better open the front gate in case he wants to go get a pizza." . Let's face it, all these "sightings" reports (and now lucky photographs) are being choreographed by Tiger's spin doctors. You're supposed to believe he's battling an addiction, and has taken the first step towards recovery. And admire him for this. And buy the products he endorses. Bullsh*t. YFKM. . The truth is, Tiger's at home, still waiting for his teeth implants to heal. He's never been in one of these Sex Rehab Clinics, and never will, unless it's to do a damage-control photo op. And there's no reason for Tiger to go into rehab. He's not addicted to sex; he's just one of the 50%-60% of the population who'd cheat on their spouse if given the opportunity. And Tiger gets lots and lots of opportunities. . One last thing. Do you think the estimate of a 50%-60% cheat rate (either real or potential), is too high? Or maybe too low? I've seen one source say that the number should be 100% - that everyone would cheat given the right set of circumstances. I don't buy that. But in any case, tomorrow (time permitting) we'll present a pseudo-scientific way of determining that number. Stay tuned.

Just do it ... in a Buick

Time to give my 2-cent opinion about Tiger. The local sportswriters and the hacks at ESPN have both been telling us why his personal issues are none of our business. I half-agree. Tiger-the-Golfer is certainly entitled to his privacy. He gets paid to put a little white ball in 18 holes, and what he does in his spare time is his own concern.

Alas, there's also Tiger-the-Endorser. Who smiles and tells you to buy Buicks and wear Tag Heuer watches, and to use your American Express card to pay for everything. And who wears that Nike swoosh on dang near every article of clothing he puts on.

The companies that pay Tiger big bucks to promote their products rely on you thinking he's a trustworthy and upstanding spokesman. Only "good guys" are selected to convince you they really do use those products. . So Robert Wagner (Jonathan from "Hart To Hart") and James Garner (from "Maverick" and "The Rockford Files") can do endorsements, but Eli Wallach (who just celebrated his 94th birthday yesterday) and (the late) Lee Van Cleef (the not-the-Good guys in "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly") don't/didn't get to. It's not that Eli and Lee are less trustworthy than Robert and James; it's that the characters they played (which is really what the corporate suits want you to think of) were bad guys. . It's the same for sports celebrities. Tiger was the perfect endorser. Personable, handsome, with a calming voice, and who is absolutely the best golfer of all time. He's a much better choice for deciding on your next car than, say, that mean old Bill Lambeer, or "I don't expect the hotel room service girls to bend over backwards for me; I expect them to bend over forwards" Koby. (*) . The reality is that it's the well-known image of the celebrity that sells the products. And it works. We the consumers get seduced by a winning smile, big boobs, and/or the nostalgic memory of a "good- guy" role that some actor/actress played years ago. . Well, fairy nuff. We may be gullible suckers, but at least we're entitled to celebrities that can keep their zippers zipped. So, Tiger-the-Golfer, you go right ahead and keep playing. No problem-o. But Tiger-the-Endorser, you're fired. We don't believe in you anymore. (*) sic.