The Romanov Prophecy

Title : The Romanov Prophecy (384 pages)

Author : Steve Berry (2005)

Genre : Historical Fiction (Action)

Rating : B

This month I Read...
My second Steve Berry novel (the first was The Third Secret); this one is less Cri-Fi, and more action. Set in modern-day Russia, where the people have decided they want to return to having a Czar as a ruler, Miles Lord, an American Afro-American lawyer on business in Moscow, stumbles onto a prophecy that implies that not all of the Romanovs were killed by the Bolsheviks in 1918.

What's To Like...
Lots of action from the get-go. It's heavy on historical references, which suits me just fine. Rasputin becomes a prophet, and Youssopov is re-made as a good guy.

The book is a page-turner, and Berry once again doesn't bore you with page after page of philosophical preaching. Take a note, Dan Brown.

What's Not To Like...
If there's such a thing as TOO much action, this is it. Essentially, this is a 384-page chase scene. The bad guys, professional assassins all of them, can't seem to hit an elephant from 50 feet away (much like in the movie Miami Vice, but that's a subject for another post). The hero finds the bad guys repeatedly and incredibly picking up his trail, and never figures out that his boss might possibly be tipping them off.

Finally, the plot pretty much plays itself out with no surprise twists. Berry could take a lesson from Brown in that regard.

Talk About Implausibility...
The most important parameter for any historical fiction is its believability. And TRP fails that in one key area.

No, I'm not talking about some of the Czar's family surviving. That's been a romantic, albeit highly unlikely hypothesis for decades.

Nor am I talking about the incredible inaccuracy of the assassins. You can rationalize that away as being subject to the divinely-inspired prophecies of Rasputin.

The unbelievable part is the opening premise that a majority of the Russian people would for some reason want to return to Czarist rule. Pigs will fly before that happens. Some Russians may want democracy; some may want a return to the Communist days; some may want some sort of uber-nationalism; and who knows, some may want Dubnutz to come stay with them after we throw his a$$ out of office next year. However, the one thing they can all agree on - no one wants the return of the Czar.

But I digress. The Romanov Prophecy is another solid effort by Dan Brown-wannabee Steve Berry. If it isn't quite on the same level as The Da Vinci Code, it's still a good read while we wait for Brown to get off his butt and put out another novel.

Elvenking - The Winter Wake

Artist : Elvenking

Title : The Winter Wake (2006)

Genre : Folk Metal

Rating : ***** ***½ (out of 10*)

This Week I'm Listening To...
Elvenking is an Italian Metal band, formed in 1997. In addition to Folk Metal, RYM labels them as being Power Metal, Prog Metal, Melodic Death Metal, and Alternative Metal. The Winter Wake is their third album, and the first one I've listened to.

What's To Like...
Amazingly, the lead singer actually sings, not grunts. Even more amazingly, the rest of the band actually harmonizes !

The musicianship is superb. The lead guitar player is fantastic, as is the (electric) violin player. Even the bass player shines. The whole album is done with an energy that Bruce Springsteen only dreams of now that he's a geezer.

The blending of the folk and the metal is seamless. And the songs range from straight-up Metal to a nice ballad duet.

What's Not To Like...
Very little. Some have complained that all of Elvenking's albums sound the same. Maybe, but I haven't heard any of the others yet, so this doesn't apply to me.

Others say that the lead singer's voice takes some getting used to, so perhaps he needs a voice lesson or two. Personally, I think the vocals are quite good.

Also, although all the lyrics are in English, it is sometimes evident that it isn't their primary tongue. Track 09, "Rouse Your Dreams" comes off sounding like "Rose Your Dreams".

Finally, and worst of all, it doesn't appear that Elvenking has any plans for an American tour. Indeed, they rarely seem to venture outside of Italy.

The History Of Metal...
In the beginning there was Black Sabbath. Who, it must be admitted (grudgingly to Al), did come up with a new sound. And the gods of Metal saw that it was good.

And for the next 20 years, no one did anything different from the BS sound. But no one complained, because it was so much better than Disco, and Punk was for weenies.

And in the early 90's, the gods of Metal were exceedingly bored and said, "C'mon you guys. Let's have some diversification."

And Black Sabbath-sounding Metal begat the following...
Black Metal

Almost Black Metal

Black & Yellow Metal (Stryper)

Goth Metal

Visigoth Metal

Ostrogoth Metal

Doom Metal

Heretic Metal

Castle Wolfenstein Metal

Pagan Metal

Death Metal

Near-Death Metal

Comatose Metal

Industrial Metal

Commercial Metal

...and a host of other Metals. And none of these sounded any different from each other, nor from BS Metal. But it gave the Metal Snots something to philosophically argue about while they were listening to the same old sh*t.

And in the mid-to-late 90's, the gods of Metal said, "Oh for Pete's sake, how 'bout a little creativity already?!"

And groups like Nightwish, Elvenking and Within Temptation came into being, and explored the mixing of Metal with other genres. Which offended all the Metal Snots to no end ("There goes the neighborhood", they moaned), but breathed some much-needed life into the genre. And caused all sorts of music-lovers to finally take interest in it.

But I digress. The Winter Wake is a wonderful album. Despite song titles like "Rats Are Following", this is light-hearted "elven-themed" material. If you're looking for music to sacrifice a virgin to Beelzebub to, this ain't it. But if you want great, energetic, talented Folk Metal, it probably doesn't get any better than this.

Acronym of the Day : "TPT"

TPT stands for Trailer Park Trash. It's closely related to White Trash ("WT") although they're not quite synonymous. TPT can theoretically come in any color, while WT by definition can live in places other than a trailer.

One should regularly check one's house for TPT, since if left unchecked, they can become quite a nuisance. They can often be found lying on a couch, snoozing in the spare bedroom, or rummaging through one's refrigerators in search of food and booze.

This has been a public service bulletin, put out by your local chapter of AA (Acronyms Anonymous).

Island in the Sea of Time

Title : Island In The Sea Of Time (608 pages)

Author : S. M. Stirling (1998)

Genre : Alternate History

Rating : A

This Month I Read...
IitSOT is part one of an Alternate-History trilogy where the island of Nantucket (and a bit of the seas around it) gets transported back in time from present-day to the Bronze Age of 1250 B.C. The first order of business is simply to survive the oncoming winter, since very few of the Nantucketeers are skilled in hunting, gathering, fishing, and trapping.

What's To Like...
This is the best Alt-Hist book I've read so far. The plot moves fast; there's lots of action; and the meticuous research by Stirling is obvious.

Unlike Eric Flint's 163X series, the Good Guys actually make a few mistakes here. And the Bad Guy, believe it or not, is not Evil Incarnate. He's ambitious, he's Machiavallian, and he's inventive. And he and his cohorts manage to spring a number of surprises on the Forces of Goodness, which is a pleasant change-of-pace.

The good guys' fighting hero is a gay, female black; which is certainly not stereotypical. And lest you think the author is trying to foist his bleeding-heart liberal philosophy on you, he also takes some rather reactionary pokes at gun-control, whaling, and tree-hugging. Yet all this is woven neatly into the plot. No page-after-page "preaching" such as Flint and even Dan Brown are given to.

Finally, there's actually a climactic ending to the book, even though it's just the first of three volumes. Robert Jordan could've taken some pointers here.

What's Not To Like...
There's too much space devoted to the technical part of sailing. Good lord, I feel like I'm reading a Tom Clancy novel.

Stirling gets fixated on a variety of things. To wit, the sounds effects of war; the fact that one's bowels 'void' as one dies in battle (and the consequent stench thereof); the 'down-hominess' of the Good Guys' political hero.

He also seems to spend a lot of time on the erotic thoughts of the lesbian pair. There's nothing wrong with Stirling giving us his insight in this matter, but you'd think that nothing else enters the minds of these two when they're not fighting and killing. Then there's the Bad Lady's penchant for S&M. Although Stirling handles the sex scenes better than Harry Turtledove does, one still gets the feeling that they're primarily there to make teenage boys hot and sweaty.

Finally, the tree-hugging AmerIndian-saving Pamela Lisketter is just too stereotypical to be believed.

We Are Yankees, Hear Us Roar...
It should be noted that, like Flint's 163X series, we once again have a small, intrepid group of Americans enlightening the rest of the non-American past-world with our superior technology, government, philosophy, and overall goodness. Just once, I'd like to see something like a modern-day Chinese army dropped into, say, 1700's America. Or maybe the entire nation of 21st-century France. Or the 20th-century British Imperial Navy. Let's reverse the roles for a change.

It should also be noted that Nantucket Island had an inordinate number of world-renowned history and industrial specialists on the Island at the moment of the time-swap. And a nearby Coast Guard steel-plated windjammer conveniently gets zapped into the Bronze Age along with the island.

None of these "picked nits" detract from the story, including the fact that a 100-pound Ninja babe can kick any-and-all 200-pound male, barbarian a$$. In reality, the odds of the present-day Nantucket surviving a year in the Bronze Age would be extremely long. Stirling is fully allowed to follow in Flint's footsteps (or is it the other way around?) and "stack the deck" in order allow the story to go on more than one winter.

But I digress. This book was a real page-turner for me. And ultimately, that's what counts the most when I read a book for pleasure. We'll give it a solid "A", and see whether the other two books in the trilogy can keep up the pace.

Nightwish - Dark Passion Play

Artist : Nightwish

Title : Dark Passion Play (2007)

Genre : Symphonic Metal

Rating : ***** ****½ (out of 10*)

This Week I'm Listening To...
Nightwish's sixth full-length studio release, and the first wthout dearly departed Tarja Turunen. 70 minutes of Symphonic Metal. Heavy on the "Symphonic"; light on the "Metal". Indeed, as with Within Temptation's most recent release (The Heart Of Everything), it could be said that there's more Hard Rock here than Metal.

What's To Like...
If you liked Nightwish's Once album, you're gonna love DPP. Tuomas Holopainen's songwriting keeps getting better and more complex with every release. The new female vocalist - Anette Olzon - is well up to the task of replacing a legend; albeit she's not as opera-oriented as Tarja. There's some hard rock; some soft ballads; a new plunge by Tuomas into composing Celtic music; two long proggy opuses (The Poet & The Pendulum @ 14 minutes, and Meadows Of Heaven @ 7 minutes); and of course, lots of superb symphonic arrangements.

What's Not To Like...
Not much. Two of the tracks are Nightwish's slaps at Tarja (Bye Bye Beautiful) and her husband/manager Marcelo Cabuli (Master Passion Greed). There is still a lot of bitterness there.

Is The Phrase "Metal Snot" An Oxymoron?
Most of the criticism of this album falls into two catergories. First, there are people b*tching because Tarja's gone. Second, there are Metal Snots out there who feel that Nightwish has "sold out", and has become too mainstream.

Folks, the old Nightwish line-up was doomed the day Tarja decided to promote her husband to being her business manager. The guy's found his meal ticket, and he doesn't want to share her earnings with the rest of the group. It was simply a matter of who was gonna dump whom. Get over it. And if you can't, be aware that Tarja's new album (My Winter Storm) will be released next month. We'll see if we can find a jpeg of its cover.

Metal Snots. I've met some. These are the folks that think that all vocals must be grunted, guitars are only allowed to thrash (heaven forbid that anyone should play a chord); and the lyrics have to center around devil worship. The "Metal Snottiness Winner" is he who claims to love the raunchiest Metal. As in, "Oh, you're into Cannibal Corpse. They're okay, I guess. But too mainstream for me. I prefer to listen to Rottweiler's Impaled Entrails". (Snorts). Of course, RIE is probably the Metal Snot's older brother's garage band, which plays for free and makes The Sex Pistols look like accomplished musicians.

Frankly, I don't think Nightwish cares a flying fig whether the Metal Snots like the direction they're going or not. DPP has sold more than a quarter million copies already, and it's been out less than a month. Tarja who?

But I digress. Dark Passion Play is a great album, and a candidate for "Best Of 2007". Nightwish is in Phoenix on 07 November. With a little bit of luck, I'll get my doctor's okay to attend the (stand-up only) concert.

Website of the Day

Dogs In Danger

http://www.dogsindanger.com/

The Sunday paper had a great article about this organization, which is trying to make a small dent in the 4 million dogs euthanized each year in the USA.

1634 - The Galileo Affair

Title : 1634 : The Galileo Affair (2004)

Authors : Eric Flint & Andrew Dennis (667 pages)

Genre : Alternate History

Rating : D+

This Month I Read...
1634TGA is the first "1634" book in the 163x series to make it to paperback. This time, the USE (United States of Europe) send a diplomatic mission to Venice to develop strategic political and commercial alliances. Coincidentally, Galileo is going on trial in Rome for his allegedly heretical teaching that the earth revolves around the sun, and not vice versa. The protagonists in the book get to be both the defense attorney for Galileo, and his potential jail-springers.

What's To Like...
There's 667 pages to make you feel like you're getting your money's worth of reading material.

There's a number of new characters to get to know. Most notably, the resident hippie-cum-chemist, Tom Stone ("Stoner") and his three raised-in-a-commune sons. By "new", we mean they didn't appear in 1632 or 1633. They are introduced in the Ring Of Fire - Grantville Gazette anthology, which we'll review some other time.

You get to get up close and personal with 17th Century Venice. And if you're burnt out on all the fighting and killing in 1632/1633, you'll find this a much lighter-hearted book.

What's Not To Like...
There's very little action. 600 pages into this book, you realize there's been a grand total of one botched assassination attempt, one street brawl, and one pointless murder. The rest is, how shall we say it, drama. Sheesh, if I want drama, I'll go read Wuthering Heights. We read Alternate History for the action, and of course, the advancement of a parallel history.

And that brings up the second shortcoming of the book. It doesn't contribute one bit to the new timeline. Oh, relations are established with Venice. And Galileo goes on trial. But none of the dozens of loose ends from 1632/1633 are addressed, let alone tied up.

Worst of all, the theme of this book, "The Galileo Affair" comes off as unbelievable and shoddily written. The Swiss Guards appear to be the 1600's equivalent of the Keystone Kops. And although Father Mazzare gives a brilliant defense of Galileo, the author(s) don't see fit to give us any details of it. Both sloppy and lazy.

Where Does This Road Go, and Why Is It Paved with Good Intentions?
It's hard to know who to blame for this book. One suspects 99% of this was written by Andrew Dennis, with Flint's only contribution being to add legitimacy to it by putting his name on the cover, and to make sure AD doesn't write anything into the plot that might interfere with whichever way Flint intends to develop his particular 1634 sequel.

Flint's approach to developing the 163x world is certainly well-intended. He's allowing a number of other writers to contribute whole volumes to it. In theory, that allows "other viewpoints" to come into play. In practice, however, it means you're going to be reading a lot of meaningless, tangential "fluff".

Two other 1634 books are out in Hardcover. 1634 - The Bavarian Crisis, and 1634 - The Baltic War. And Flint is supposedly working on 1634 - Escape From The Tower. So it appears we will be stuck in 1634 for quite a few years. And we'll be paying $7.99 for each and every plot-advancement, with the occasional rip-off of no plot-advancement at all. I suspect, therefore, that 1634TGA will be the last book I read in this series, at least until the paperback versions start showing up at the used book store.

But I digress. 1634 - The Galileo Affair is a well-meaning but ultmately boring tome. If you just can't get enough of 163x, this may tide you over until Flint finishes his 1634 contribution. But for everyone else, you won't be missing anything important if you skip this yawner.

Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

Title : (The) Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (109 minutes)

Genre : Science Fiction (MPAA Rating : PG)

Rating : ****½ (out of 5*)

This Weekend I Watched...
HHGTTG was released in 2005, and decades of delays, which were in part due to Douglas Adams' lack of businessmanship, and in part due to waiting for technology to get to where some justice could be done to this novel. The movie got mixed reviews and left itself open for a sequel (The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe). But any plans to make TRATEOTU are apparently stillborn.

What's To Like...
The aliens are done to perfection by Jim Henson's puppeteers. The plot moves along at a swift pace - no dull spots in the entire movie. The humor is first-rate and varies between Adam's nonsensical wit, shallow slapstick humor, and the much-more subtle British humour. The cinematography is simply awesome.

What's Not To Like...
It's essential to read the book first. But it's then important to realize that Douglas Adams' book contains absolutely no plot. The beauty of the book HHGTTG (besides the nerdy wink-winks about "42" being the answer to everything, and admonishing other geeks not to forget their towel) is the pointless-yet-witty sermonettes by Adams. Alas, making a coherent movie from that is a daunting task.

So if you're looking for a faithful reproduction of the story, forgetabout it. The movie does include some of Adams' witty sidebar comments, but the majority are left out. Worse yet, the director actually invented a "storyline" for the movie.

Finally - did I mention this? - you have to read the book first. Liz didn't, and was bored silly after 10 minutes.

So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish...
There's really no middle ground for rating this movie. Non-readers will find it hopelessly confusing. Purists who revere the book and/or the chintzy TV series will hate it as well.

OTOH, if you recognize the shortcomings of the book (great commentary; lousy plot), then you will probably find this movie to be a real treat. In the end, it should be remembered that not even Douglas Adams himself could duplicate HHGTTG. The literary sequel (TRATEOTU) is mediocre, and Volume 3 (Life, The Universe, and Everything) is wretched. If there is a Volume 4 and 5 (and there is, IIRC), I don't think anyone has ever read them.

So enjoy the movie, relive the craziness, kiss a dolphin, and don't forget your towel.

Bruce Springsteen - Magic

Artist : Bruce Springsteen

Title : Magic (2007)

Genre : Rock

Rating : ***** ** (out of 10*)

This Week I'm Listening To...
The Boss is back, and this time he's decided to rock again. I guess he's had enough of being Mr. Story-Teller (Devils & Dust) and enough of being a folk-singer (The Seeger Sessions).

The Springsteen diehards are saying this takes him back to the Born To Run, Darkness on the Edge of Town, and The Wild, The Innocent and the East Street Shuffle days, but that's just wishful thinking. At best, this is a return to the Born In The USA days - when Bruce chose to "popify" his Rock & Roll in order to get more radio airplay.

What's To Like...
The tunes are all catchy little things, assuming you're cool with Bruce doing Pop-Rock. None of the songs come off as being filler. The East Street Band is back, including Clarence Clemons on saxophone.

What's Not To Like...
The studio mixing positively sucks. All the musical instruments seem to get pureed into a mushy background mix. I wonder if this was deliberate. If so, the studio engineer should be fired on the spot.

Bruce once again has a bad case of mumble-mouth. This started on D&D. Does this mean that The Boss' voice is shot? Or does he think that lousy enunciation comes off as being "sulkily brooding"? What's next - Bruce grunting like a metal vocalist? Let's hope not.

Then there's the small matter of repetitive lyrics. Here's a lame exercise to do - take the title phrase to each song (for instance, Track #1 is "Radio Nowhere"), then count how many times Bruce repeats it in the song. I'm sorry. We may tolerate a no-talent skirt like Britney doing this, but more is expected from the guy who wrote the brilliant tale-spinning lyrics for the TWTI&TESS album.

Finally, everyone on this album sounds ...well... tired. It's like Bruce's spirit wants to rock again, but the body keeps telling him to slow down cuz he's a geezer. The East Street Band comes off the same way. Are they feeling geezerish too, or did Bruce demand that they "tone it down" so as to not steal his spotlight?

Old Musicians Never Die, They Just Go From 45 RPM to 33....
Is it inherent that old rockers lose their pep? Maybe, maybe not. Let's look at the pro's and con's of this.

Rockers Who Have Become Geezers

01. Paul McCartney
Hasn't put out anything notable since "Uncle Albert". The last couple albums have been sheer schlock.
02. Lindsey Buckingham
Waited 14 years to put out a yawner. See my review a few months back for more details.
03. The Strawbs
Yeah, this is one of my favorite groups, but Deja Fou was painfully uninspiring.
04. Rod Stewart
The standard-setter for geezer rockers. His American Songbook series was pitiful. And he kept on doing it and doing it.
Now you might want to cut Rod some slack, since he was having voice issues. But consider the following...

Old Rockers Who Still Haven't Become Geezers

01. Meatloaf
He's older than me, he's had worse vocal problems than Rod, and he still puts 100% into his albums. Eat my shorts, Rod; and get back to work.
02. Carlos Santana
A high-energy act in the 1970's, who hasn't slowed down since.
03. Bon Jovi
I'm not a huge Bon Jovi fan (that's Liz's department). But listen to the "Have A Nice Day" album and compare it to "New Jersey" or any other early BJ stuff. The musicianship has evolved, but the energy level was, and remains, high.

Finally, "Tired Geezer Syndrome" should not be confused with bands who have lost contact with their Muse. In other words, the energy is still there, and so is the talent. But the creativity is gone. Some examples...

01. REO Speedwagon
Yes, Virginia, they still put out albums. They sound good, but nothing really jumps out and grabs you anymore.
02. Bad Company
2 good albums, followed by decades of "lounge-music rock".
03. The Rolling Stones
They lost their Muse halfway through Exile On Main Street, and have never got her back. What separates them from the rest of the Museless bands is - I don't think The Stones are even trying to find their Muse again.

But I digress. Springsteen's Magic has some serious flaws, but it's still a worthwhile acquisition. It's not a return to the Glory Days, but it's a step in the right direction We need to encourage Bruce to a.) get a better Mixing Engineer, b.) let the East Street Band shine a bit more, and c.) keep on rockin'. We'll give this seven stars, and hope that a "re-mastered" version of it comes out in the not-too-distant future.

RIP - Robert Jordan

Robert Jordan (James Oliver Rigney)

10/17/48 - 09/16/07

We note and mourn the passing of Robert Jordan, author of Wheel of Time {"WoT"} series, due to a rare but deadly heart disease called Cardiac Amyloidosis.

He is also the apparent coiner of at least one acronym : "RAFO" ("Read And Find Out").

WoT's To Like...
The Wheel Of Time series has thrilled a great many fantasy readers, myself included. Set in an incredibly-complex passing of one age to the next, you have the standard Tolkienesque characters - the Ultimate Evil (The Dark Lord), who's about to become All-Powerful; his 12 Almost-As-Evils (The Forsaken); the reluctant pre-ordained Hero (Rand al-Thor; The Dragon Reborn), and his friends and colleagues, who intentionally and unintentionally further the progress and the prophecies concerning our hero.

All standard fantasy schtick, you say? Well, what sets Robert Jordan apart is his penchant for details, character development, and a mind-boggling set of sub-plots that somehow all seem to be part of a predestined plan.

WoT's Not To Like...
Hmmm. Well, at times the plot/progress seems to drag to a halt. The early books seemed to follow a fixed equation - Rand al-Thor bumping off two of The Forsaken per book. The math-types like me quickly calculated that we were looking at a 7-book series here, assuming the final book to be the Armageddon-ish battle with the Dark Lord, hmself.

Jordan must've decided that was too short, so he started to bring back the vanquished evilnesses in later books. So you eventually found that you'd invested a lot of reading-time, and hadn't really gotten anywhere. Indeed, a rough adding-up of the first eleven books shows I've read about 9,600 pages and 3.4 million words.

Then there's the small matter of loose ends. After eleven books about an ever-expanding universe, you got the feeling that Jordan had lost control of the storyline, and that he'd never be able to bring it to a coherent conclusion. I've seen this happen before - most notably with Robert Asprin and his "Myth" series. And it's happening with Eric Flint's "163x" series as well.

Jordan promised to tie everything up in the next book ("A Memory Of Light"), even if it took 1500 pages. Alas, that won't happen now, even if someone ghost-writes the last book. But to be honest, I seriously doubt Jordan himself could've accomplished that. There are simply too many sub-plots.

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass...
I'll resist the temptation to heap tons and tons of accolades on Robert Jordan. He was a good writer, maybe even a worthy successor to Tolkien. One grew to love the characters in his books, and to marvel at sub-stories he wove. Even when the plot stalled, the books were an interesting read.

We will miss him, and the WoT universe.

Raid! (a)

Our quiet little cul-de-sac had a not-so-quiet morning today. At 9:00 AM, the sheriff's department conducted a raid. No, not on our house. Twas on a house catty-cornered across from us.

Raid! (b)

There were cops with assault rifles converging on the house, both from the front, and climbing over the back walls. Sorry, no pictures of this. They didn't wait for me to get my camera.

Raid! (c)

In all, we had five sheriff's cars on the cul-de-sac.

Raid! (d)

Here's the house that they raided. Note that there's a red car in the driveway, that wasn't of much interest to them. It was much more about the contents of the house (and maybe the backyard), and a pick-up that hadn't shown up yet.

Raid! (e)

And the cooler is for?? Either to keep seized evidence in it for transport to the lab. Or the cops' sandwiches and bottled water.

The sheriffs weren't real thrilled about me acting like a dumb tourist and taking pictures from my front lawn. Their "official" story to me was that the red car was a stolen vehicle. No one on the cul-de-sac is buying that story. There was a lot of traffic at odd hours at this house. People driving up, staying for five minutes, then quickly leaving.

Raid! (f)

By 11:00, the pick-up of interest had shown up. Along with a tow truck. And a re-arrangement of the cop cars. I should mention that at least two of the house's residents were cuffed and taken away.

Raid! (g)

Here's a good view of the pick-up. I wasn't outside when it arrived, so I don't know if they cuffed the driver or not.

Raid! (h)

The cops were verrryyyyy interested in the contents of the carpenter's box in the back of the pick-up.

Raid! (i)

Found something!

Raid! (j)

After the truck-search was done, it was time for the tow truck to do its thing.

Raid! (k)

Bye bye, pick-up!

Raid! (l)

Now I know what you're thinking - hey, Terry! This really could've been a stolen vehicle case. Well, here's a picture from 5:00 PM. Cop tape all around the house, and a sheriff sitting watch. Kinda strange, if the stolen truck and the perp were both taken into custody 6 hours earlier, doncha think?

You'll also note that the place where the aliens built their short-lived summer house is right in front of this house. Liz says if I even hint that this is related to that incident, she's doubling my medicine.

So we'll close this story for the time being, and scour the paper tomorrow for a mention of the raid.

Harry Turtledove - How Few Remain

Title : How Few Remain (1997; 594 pages)

Author : Harry Turtledove

Genre : Alternate History

Rating : C+

This Month I Read...
Harry Turtledove is a prolific author of Science Fiction and Alternate History books. This was my first Turtledove book.

HFR is "pure" Alt-History. The timeline doesn't change due to some inscrutable cosmic event. Instead, McClellan's army doesn't intercept Lee's battle plans after Antietam. With the US army kept in the dark, Lee is victorious in the battlefield; England and France recognize the new nation; and the Confederate States of America gains independence.

HFR is set in 1881, when the "second war of independence" erupts between the North and the South.

What's To Like...
The book is a great "What-If" novel. Turtledove weaves a detailed alternate timeline by following a number of historical figures. Abraham Lincoln is doing the speech-giving circuit and contemplating becoming a socialist. Teddy Roosevelt is a bronco-bustin' cowboy in Montana. James Longstreet is the president of the CSA. Frederick Douglass is giving anti-slavery rallies. Samuel Clemens runs a newspaper in San Francisco and rails against the folly of war. George Custer, Jeb Stuart, Stonewall Jackson, and even Geronimo are also followed.

Some of the good guys die. Some of the bad guys live. And, unlike many other works of fiction, you can't predict who lives/dies by the author's character development (or lack thereof).

What's Not To Like...
Well, if the character-development is superb, the plot-advancement is non-existent. Mexico sells the states of Sonora and Chihuahua to the CSA, which for some unfathomable reason p*sses off the USA to the point of going to war. So far, so cool.

Alas, the total events of the war consist of a few CSA minor victories in Arizona; some skirmishes between the US and Canadians/Brits in Montana, a British naval raid on San Francisco, and the USA for some reason trying to take (of all places) Louisville, Kentucky. That's it. Failing in those endeavors, the USA calls off the war. Talk about a lack of resolve.

Turtledove tells the story from a pro-CSA POV, so the issue of slavery in the South is downplayed, almost to being ignored. James Blaine, the US President, is given short shrift. It would've been nice to understand the workings inside his head as to why he decided to quickly go to war, then just as quickly opted out.

Oh yeah, and the couple of sex scenes are incredibly lame and completely pointless. Were they put in there to titillate teenage male readers? If so, it failed miserably.

Why I've Been A Lifelong Alt-History Fanatic...
I read my first Alt-History book 45 years ago. It was titled "If The South Had Won The Civil War" (yep, same theme), and if you google that, you will find that it is by MacKinlay Kantor and was re-issued in the 1990's, and is still available from Amazon.

Looking back, it was a rather tepid attempt at Alt-Hist. The South wins; Texas secedes from the CSA; slavery again gets downplayed; and the three countries remain best-of-buddies for a hundred years. After a century of group-hugs and bonding, they all schedule a joint news conference, and it's strongly implied that Reunification will occur.

Okay, it was not a hard-hitting book. But I was in 5th or 6th grade at the time, and despite its lameness, I thoroughly enjoyed the "What If" scenario. That passion for Alternate History has stayed with me ever since. The genre is done much better nowadays, but I think it's fair to say that that's because science fiction & science fantasy as a whole are done much better nowadays.

But I digress. Your opinion of How Few Remain will hinge on how important a plot is to you. For me, this was a fun read, and I enjoyed "getting to know" the various historical characters. But the story didn't go anywhere. The war came, the war went, and nothing really changed and/or progressed. I came away with the feeling that Turtledove only wrote this to set up the characters in his World War One Alternate-History series. The first book of that series (second if you count HFR) is on my "to be read" bookshelf, albeit, along with a dozen other "must-read" books. So eventually, I'll find out whether this tangential timeline takes off or fizzles out.

The Bourne Supremacy

Title : The Bourne Supremacy (109 minutes)

Genre : Action (PG-13)

Rating : **** (out of 5*)

This Weekend I Watched...
In "Bourne-2", Jason gets framed; and the GF from Bourne-1 gets offed in the first five minutes. From there on, it's non-stop action; as the CIA and its crack squad of assassins try to stop one agent who can't remember his past, can't remember to use a passport other than the one that says "Jason Bourne", and can't remember to disguise himself when he passes through customs and under surveilance cameras.

What's To Like...
Same as the Bourne-1 : the action is first-rate; the locations are picturesque (I want to go to Russia!); and the chase scenes are breath-taking. It is rumored that the primo car chase here was done in Moscow, cuz that's the only city that would allow its major streets to be
blocked off for the movie-shoot.

The action is more believable this time around. No more flying-carpet-down-the-stairwell foolishness.

What's Not To Like...
Lots of people griped about the hurky-jurky camera work. In watching it on TV, this wasn't a problem. But I can see where it would be irritating to watch it on the big screen.

I'm not quite sure why anyone would frame Jason Bourne. Wouldn't that be like framing James Bond? Or maybe Carlos The Jackal. You can do it, sure. But why? About all you accomplish is to get a p*ssed-off killing machine not on your tail.

The Bourne Redundancy...
I have come to the conclusion that there are several "movie" occupations that are out-and-out death warrants. One (seen here) is to be the still-living GF of the hero from the previous movie.

Another is to be the detective-hero's male partner. Especially if you're old and near retirement, or young and think you know it all. You can be sure that the bad guys are gonna take you out to send a message to the hero. Hey, villains! You wanna send a message? Take out the hero!

The third is anyone on a team of action heroes who surreptitiously betrays the team. Even if he gets away with the treachery; God, or some demon-spawned monster will make him pay for his bad karma.

Speaking of monsters, the fourth "goner" is any black guy on a team of heroes that's fighting aliens, predators, man-eating sharks, and/or gummi bears. If yo' is black, yo' is gonna be somebody's snack.

Last but not least is anyone who is fat or ugly. Good looks equates to good fortune. Bullets seek out blubber. Calamities seek out cellulite.

Just once, I'd like to see a movie where someone in any of these "loser categories" actually survives while the hero/damsel/good-looking white boy suffers an untimely and early demise. (*)

But I digress. The Bourne Supremacy offers absolutely nothing new from The Bourne Identity, other than female counter-hero revealing Jason Bourne's real name (David Webb) in the final three seconds of the movie. But repetitiveness is not necessarily a bad thing, if the initial movie was quite fine. So we'll give this four-stars, same as Bourne-1, and be happy that the middle episode wasn't the usual weak link of the trilogy.

(*) : Okay, there was one instance where the handsome male lead died off rather quickly. The captain of the ship in Aliens-One. I think his name was Dallas, or something like that. You knew Sigourney Weaver was gonna be the last survivor. But I kinda thought Captain Dallas would be the second-last.

Finntroll - Ur Jordens Djup

Artist : Finntroll (2007)

Album Title : Ur Jordens Djup (From The Depths Of The Earth)

Genre : Polka-Metal (yes!!)

Rating : ***** **½ (out of 10*)

This Week I'm Listening To...
A few weeks ago, while reviewing the Folkearth album, I tongue-in-cheekly made reference to "Polka Metal", blithely assuming there was no such genre. A kind reader left a comment, saying that, indeed, Polka Metal does exist, and recommending listening to Finntroll.

Finntroll is a Finnish band, who nevertheless sings in Swedish. Cuz Swedish is "more trollish", they say. They have 6 albums out. Ur Jordens Djup is their most-recent offering.

What's To Like...
The reader is correct (many thanks for the tip!): this is Polka-Metal. More precisely, it is "humppa-metal"; humppa being best described as a specific form of "Finnish Polka".

The Metal is fairly standard power-metal stuff. The vocals are all "grunting", which means that the fact that the lyrics aren't in English doesn't matter. I wouldn't understand them, no matter what language the grunts were in.

There is some very nice blending of polka (and folk) with the metal. The opening track, Gryning ("Dawn") is 3½ minutes of some well-arramged dark, brooding, instrumental stuff.

The tracks that are the most "polka-ish" are delightful. One gets the feeling Finntroll really enjoys playing polka-metal songs.

What's Not To Like...
This is my first Finntroll CD. Those who are familiar with all of Finntroll's albums give this one the lowest rating. The criticism seems to be that this one isn't as polka-ish as previous efforts; that it's a lot darker; and that, while the tracks are consistently good, there aren't any really great ones.

There is a "hidden track" at the end of the CD. The last song fades into soft "marshy" sounds, then into silence. But if you wait another 10 minutes, a fun-filled bar-room-sounding track comes on. Okay, the first time, it was a cool discovery. After that, however, it just means you have 10 minutes of dead time (cuz technically it's part of the last track) , which is rather annoying. Fortunately, a little bit of snipping via Sound Forge eliminated the 10 minute dead-space.

Ask Not For Whom The Finn Trolls...
It trolls for thee.

Finntroll is coming to Tempe on 07 October. To The Clubhouse, where I once almost saw Wolfmother. This is a metal concert, so there are no seats. You just stand around, moshing, or pogo-ing; or whatever you do at a standing-only metal concert. I'm making plans to go see them. The concert is nicely sandwiched between Within Temptation (two Sundays from now), and Nightwish (07 November). So if all goes as planned, I'll actually see my first three Metal concerts over the next three months.

I've talked Liz into going to see WT, but I doubt I'll be able to convince her to attend Finntroll. Whether or not I can get her to go to Nightwish remains to be seen.

But I digress. Ur Jordens Djup is a good, enjoyable, polka-metal album. The guitar-work is good, the fusion of genres is great, and if the music is dark, well, isn't metal supposed to be dark? We shall see how it compares to their earlier stuff, but if we assume they'll be showcasing UJD at their upcoming concert, it will be a great show.

Another Craig Cartoon

The Village Hypocrite

Well, color me amazed - another anti-gay hate-spouting Republican bigot gets nabbed, this time by the Minnesota vice squad.

There is a pattern here. We've seen it in Foley, in Ted Haggard, in Jimmy Swaggert, and now in Senator "Toe-Tappin' Craig. Apparently, when you're posturing yourself as a "family values" guy; but have ...umm... skeletons in the closet; far from keeping your mouth shut, your head down and avoiding the subject; you instead spew out venomous hate against that very skeleton.

So is it guilt? Do these phonies think they'll exorcise their demons if they denounce their secret often enough? Or is it Republican arrogance - spout off any old right-wing line of bullsh*t, and assume that everyone's a Dubya-IQ ditto-head and will just blindly believe the drivel?

Within Temptation !! In Phoenix !!

On Sunday, 23 September. At the Marquee Theater. With "The Dear And The Departed" and "Attitude". (Who?)

Oh my, oh my! This is another "can't miss" concert. There are three of these now. Within Temptation in September; Finntroll in October; and Nightwish in November. I need to talk Liz into going to all of these, so she can take pics with her cell phone. The venues don't allow digital cameras, and I don't know how to take cell-phone pics.

Tickets (General Admission only) are $13.75 each, with another $5 per ticket thrown in for "convenience fees" and "facility fees". Still, that means two people can go for less than $40. There are no seats; everyone just mills around the arena.

Mesa Crop Circle - Day 5

Day 5. Liz saw nothing inspiring about the french-fried log cabin last night. She force-fed me my pills. The aliens' summer house is gone.

I will take my medicine; I will not hallucinate.
I will take my medicine; I will not hallucinate.
I will take my medicine; I will not hallucinate.
Can't sleep; the clowns will eat me.
I will take my medicine; I will not hallucinate.

Mesa Crop Circle - Day 4

Day 4. Et Voila! Aliens did make this crop circle! They're from Alpha Centauri (I've been there), and they dug up my cul-de-sac in order to lay the foundation for this, their summer home. I'm happy to say that my mashed potatoes sculpture last night matched this perfectly.

Liz says I'd better start taking my medicine again. Also, we're having french fries tonight, and if I make a log cabin out of them, she's leaving me.

Mesa Crop Circle - Day 3

Day 3. I knew it! Somebody else recognizes the cosmological importance of this crop circle! Here's a local peasant, out in the cul-de-sac, painstakingly wiping away the telltale residue that the alien ship left behind when it landed/took off.

You can see these "trails" more clearly in the Day 2 pic. Apparently the mother ship landed right on the cul-de-sac, then took off in a slightly different direction.

Liz, who pooh-poohs the idea of flying saucers, says this is just Weird Verl being weird. I want to see the look on her face when the extra-terrestials build something on their crop circle. In fact, I think I'll sculpt my vision of the alien's project in my mashed potatoes at supper tonight.

Mesa Crop Circle - Day 2

Day 2, and the aliens have not come back to expand the circle. I'm convinced this is of cosmic significance. Liz, always the spiritual skeptic, says I'm having another one of my delusional fits.

Mesa Crop Circle - Day 1

Day 1. Yessirree, we got us our own jen-yew-wine crop circle. Well okay, there aren't any crops involved. But it is a circle, and it did appear magically today right in front of our house on our cul-de-sac.

Liz says it's just another half-a$$ed pothole repair job by our municipal laborers. I say it's too round for that, and too small to be the beginnings of a manhole cover. It has to be E.T. Stay tuned.

The Bourne Identity

Title : The Bourne Identity ("Bourne-1", 2 hours)

Genre : Action (MPAA Rating : PG-13)

Rating : **** (out of 5*)

This Weekend I Watched...
I've been told I will be going to see Bourne-3 in the near future. I've also been told I will watch Bourne 1-&-2 before we go, so that I don't spend the whole time asking stupid questions (which I am wont to do) about what's going on with Mr. Amnesia and the nasty folks who keep trying to kill him.

What's To Like...
Matt Damon is a very good fit as Jason Bourne. And he's a hunk, so you can talk your wife or GF into watching this one.

There's lots and lots of action. The fight scenes are cool. The (obligatory) chase scene is great! In a Mini Cooper, no less. How cool is that!? Bourne actually has to outdrive the pursuing fleet of cop cars and motorcycles. He can't just shove the car into 8th gear and leave them in his 150-mph dust.

The plot holds its own, even though we can figure out his entire past about 30 minutes into the film. And the European locations used as the backdrops (especially Paris) make me want to save my money and go back there another time.

What's Not To Like...
People who have read the (Robert Ludlum) book, seem to hate how far the movie strays from the novel. Some also seem to think an earlier incarnation of Bourne-1, starring Richard Chamberlain and Jaclyn Smith, was better. I'm sorry, but those two are not Academy Award winning thespians. That movie has to suck, even if I've never seen (nor heard of) it.

For me, there were some serious believability lapses thoughout the flick.

Jason Bourne's bullet-riddled body is found floating in the ocean by some fishermen. Instead of turning him over to the cops, or at least dumping him as quickly as possible on the nearest shore, they tend to his wounds, and even take up a collection of $$$ as a going-away present. Yeah, right.

To boot, it is discovered (while he's still unconscious) that he has a small cylinder implanted in his hip, which when you look at it close up, discloses his Swiss bank account number. What super-duper hitman is going to have that sort of information embedded in his body?

Then there's the stereotypical African despot, who may or may not get killed halfway thru the movie. He's clearly shown as having survived (he's talking to his aide while lying on the floor, having soiled his underwear), yet the police act like he's dead and he never shows up again in the flick.

All that however, can be forgiven as various plot devices. The real head-scratcher is...

Bourne is at the top of a stairwell. He's taken out all but one of a CIA hit-squad. The remaining mayhem-maker is coming up the stairs. This is seemingly an easy situation. You either escape out a window, climb to the roof (or both), or else just plug the guy as he's coming up the steps, right?

Wrong. Jason pushes the body of a dead hitman through the railing and down into the stairwell, then rolls off into a stairwell free-fall as well. As he's plummeting downward, he has the wherewithal to shoot the bad guy, then still have time to position himself right above the falling body, which miraculously breaks his fall at the bottom. Holy Implausibility, Batman!

Bourne To Be Wild...
I have a tough time understanding the "it doesn't follow the book" criticism. I read Crichton's Jurassic Park before seeing that movie, and there's some significant straying there as well.

That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy both versions of JP . Ludlum's plots (I am told) are usually very complex, and Bourne-1 is no exception. It would be very difficult (and very time-consuming) for a movie to try to include all that complexity. This movie is 2 hours long as it is. I don't think I want to sit through a 4-hour flick that faithfully captures every nuance of the book.

But I digress. The cinematic Bourne Identity may not be a gripping thriller like the novel is, but it's non-stop action with a good plot. I like the "assassin with a conscience" portrayal, which is a lot more interesting than any James Bond character. Only the numerous lapses in believability bring this rating down to only four stars.

Big & Rich - Between Raising Hell & Amazing Grace

Artist : Big & Rich

Album Title : Between Raising Hell & Amazing Grace

Genre : Country/Pop (and a lot more)

Rating : ***** *½ (out of 10*)

This Week I'm Listening To...
Big & Rich burst onto the Country/Pop scene in 2004 with Horse Of A Different Color. Now they're back with their 3rd (or 4th if you include an EP release a couple years ago) album.

Type-casting B&R is difficult. Here's some of the genres listed for them at Rate Your Music : Country; Country-Pop; Contemporary Country; Folk (huh?); Outlaw Country; Country-Rock; Progressive Country (isn't that an oxymoron?); Country-Rap; Death-Country (wazzat?); and Metal-Country (I don't think so).

You can add to that list Country-Gospel; Country-Humorous (think Roger Miller, not Ray Stevens); and last but not least, Country-Wedding.

What's To Like...
Good vocals and good harmony. "Rich" of B&R is John Rich, who used to sing in the group Lonestar.

Variety. You know how the songs on a Country album all sound the same? Not here. Every song is of a different genre.

The opening track (Lost In The Moment) is destined to be played at every cowgirl's wedding for the next 10 years.

And the third track (Faster Than Angels Fly), my favorite, is a thoughtful ballad akin to Springsteen's "Incident on 57th Street" and Dire Straits' "Romeo & Juliet".

What's Not To Like...
Think "Lite". As in Country-Lite; Rap-Lite; Gospel-Lite Rock-Lite; etc. There's a lot of breadth-of-genres here, but not a lot of depth.

Think "Mellow". These guys postured themselves on HOADC as a party band. Don't put this one on to liven up your next get-together. Pull out some of your old Hank Williams Jr. stuff instead. Indeed, the cover of AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" is just ...um... wrong. That's Liz's opinion, and she gets the final say on all AC/DC covers.

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Chaw...
In the end, Big & Rich are singers. If you dropped Simon & Garfunkel into a vat of Country-&-Western, they'd come out sounding like this. There is some good guitar work here, but it's never allowed to go for more than about three bars before it gets pushed into the background again.

And singers, even the best ones, are only as good as the songs someone writes for them. You may love classic Paul Simon from 30-40 years ago, but the stuff he's putting out today (see his 2006 release "Surprise") is just boring. Somewhere along the line, he lost the ability to write/sing songs that up and grab you.

A lot of the songs here are quite good, even if they're not particularly lively. But there are some banal lyrics as well. Here's a line from the "When The Devil Gets The Best Of Me" track : "Sometimes women are like cocaine; Got to have 'em more & more every day". Or how 'bout "You never stop loving somebody; You just start loving somebody else" from the same-titled track? Yucko!

It will be interesting to see what kind of longevity Big & Rich will have. According to their fans, they've gone downhill since the debut album. That's not a good sign. A medicore cross-genre band isn't gonna get played by any radio station. Just ask Don McLean.