Daniel Silva - Prince Of Fire

Title : Prince Of Fire (376 pages)

Author : Daniel Silva (2006)

Genre : Thriller (Political Rant?)

Rating : D-

This Month I Read...
The bombing of the Israeli embassy in Rome puts Gabriel Allon, a reluctant operative for Tel Aviv, on the trail of an Arab terrorist. The path leads all over Europe and the Middle East.

What's To Like...
It's easy to tell the good guys from the bad guys. No gray areas here. The Arabs are evil killers; the Jews are noble killers.

At 376 pages, this is a fast read.

What's Not To Like...
The plot is hopelessly disjointed. The evil Arabs blow up the Israeli embassy in Rome. Somehow this leads to a raid in Milan, where a computer disc is found. Italian intelligence can't decode it, so they decide, "what the heck, let's give it to the Israelis". The Israelis magically decode it, and discover it lists, among other things, the personnel file of Gabriel Allon. Which somehow ties into the bombing. Allon assembles a think-tank team, and somehow they decide that the Ultimate Evil is an Arab named Khaled al-Khalifa. Meanwhile, the UE kidnaps Allon's vegetative wife in England, and instead of just killing her, has her smuggled into Paris so she can be blown up at a later date.

Confused? Don't worry. The obviousness of the plot and the simplistic black-&-white characters (Arabs = bad; Israelis = good) will put you to sleep long before you feel any urge to try to make sense of anything.

Born Under A Bad Zion...
The only way to comprehend this travesty is to recognize that it's merely a vehicle for the author to expound his Zionist viewpoint. This is really just a political diatribe with a sloppily-crafted plot thrown over it.

Silva seems to feel the Arabs are entirely to blame for the Middle East crisis. The millions of Palestinian refugees are to blame because they didn't take a better deal when it was offered way back in the 40's/50's. The various Arab governments are also to blame because they haven't expended vast amounts of money to assimilate these refugees into their own country.

Ultimately, Silva's philosophy can be summed up as, "the only good Arab is a dead Arab". Which is nice if you happen to be an Israeli, but not so nice if you're a Palestinian.

In real life, the Silva scenario is inane. If anyone is to blame for the Middle East crisis, it's Britain (who promised the same land to both the Palestinians and the Israelis), and the United Nations (who felt so guilty about the Holocaust, they mandated a new country where (unfortunately) millions of people already lived).

Jordan, Syria, and Lebanon are hardly wealthy nations. If anyone ought to throw large sums of money at the Palestinians, it's the UN. And the Palestinians can hardly be blamed for rejecting the earlier offer, since in essence it said they could keep a portion of Palestine provided they ceded a large part of it to Jewish immigrants. Is it surprising they rejected this deal?

But I digress. This is a wretched novel - both as a literary work and as a Arab-hating smear-job. If you're into blatant stereotyping - all Arabs are evil; all Chinese are brain-washed; all French are traitors; all Israelis are noble, etc. - then this book will appeal to you. Otherwise, don't waste your time.

Preacher

Preacher is a kind-hearted 3-year-old Pit Bull that Jason rescued from the streets about a year ago. There isn't an angry bone in his body. Cats and other dogs make him whine. He is devoted to Jason, and loves walks, treats, extracting the 'squeaky' from stuffed toys, and a nice nap on a comfy couch.

Dean Koontz - Watchers

Title : Watchers (483 pages)

Author : Dean Koontz (1987)

Genre : Thriller (among others; see below)

Rating : A-

This Month I Read...
Watchers is considered by most to be one of Koontz's better efforts. A depressed man comes across a remarkable Golden Retriever while hiking in the southern California wilds. The dog promptly saves the man from a menacing something, they bond, and thus begins a suspenseful book-long chase involving a monster, a psychotic hired hitman, and some duty-bound and therefore not-on-our-side NSA feds.

Oh yeah, there is a love-story too, but we'll ignore that as best we can.

What's To Like...
It's fast-paced! No 50 pages of introductory yawning here. By the time page 30 rolls around; you've already been introduced to the man, the woman, her erstwhile tormentor, the dog, the monster, and the hitman.

The central character - the high-IQ dog - is a joy to follow. What if one of our canine companions was as intelligent as us? The dichotomy (wow, I always wanted an excuse to use that word) of a human-like mind in a dog's body is a fascinating study.

Finally, ther are no slow spots. You'll find yourself staying up late to read more of Watchers.

What's Not To Like...
The characters are fairly shallow. The good guys are completely good; the bad guys are completely bad. The romance is straightforward. The central cri-fi theme - DNA manipulation - has been done by others, and in a better-researched manner.

The ending is hurried and tepid. After 450 pages of a great build-up, the evilnesses are disposed of with remarkable ease. You won't guess the ending, but that's simply cuz you'll be expecting more.

Finally, Koontz leaves so many loose ends that you'll be tempted to roll 'em up into a ball of yarn. The hitman murders - unresolved. The sabotaging of a top-secret government research project - unresolved. The reason that the book is titled "Watchers" - unresolved. The consequences of genetic manipulation - unresolved.

Genres? We've got genres coming out of our ears...
This book must be a librarian's nightmare when trying to think of where to file it. We could call it a Thriller, yet the monster's character is sadly under-developed. Indeed, his only purpose for most of the book is to do a random grisly killing about every 70 pages or so.

Or maybe we'll file it under Romance, although the love story is obvious and trite. The girl has head problems; the guy magically cures her with his love; and she never has any relapses again.

How 'bout Cri-Fi? Except that Koontz never really tries to make the science seem plausible. Maybe Mystery - but as mentioned before, half the killings are never resolved.

Pehaps the best fit would be to call it a Boy-And-His-Dog story, and put it next to Lassie. But I don't think little Timmy ever had to deal with monsters that liked to gouge out eyeballs and decapitate its victims; nor hitmen that fantsized about bludgeoning pregnant women.

But I digress. Watchers is a great read; yet I doubt I'll pick up any more Koontz novels. In his 3-page "Afterword", Koontz states, "I believe that we carry within us a divinely inspired moral imperative to love, and I explore that imperative in all my books". In other words, if you've read one Koontz story, you've read them all. I intend to stop at just one.

Robert Plant & Alison Krauss - Raising Sand

Artists : Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

Title : Raising Sand (2007)

Genre : Easy-Listening (sadly)

Rating : ***** * (out of 10*)

This Week I'm Listening To...
The oddest pairing of genres since ...um, okay it hasn't been all that long... Emmylou Harris and Mark Knopfler. The voice of Led Zepplin teams up with Bluegrass/Newgrass's leading lady to do covers of 13 songs from various artists such as Tom Waits and the Everly Brothers.

What's To Like...
The voices blend well. Ms. Krauss and Mr. Plant hit every note dead-on. The backing musicians are superb. The studio engineering is first-rate. The whole album is ...well... pleasant.

What's Not To Like...
While the CD is well done, its aspirations are embarrassingly low. Krauss and Plant yawn their way through a bunch of slow songs that pretty much all have one-octave voice ranges in them. The backing music is professionally played, but if you're looking for any Union Station-esque bluegrass or any Zep-rock guitar work, you're going to be disappointed.

The energy level here is grade-A blahsville. The liveliest tracks are 'The Fortune Teller' and 'Nuthin', and even they sound like someone needs to take a couple No-Doze. At least in those two tracks, the backing musicians are allowed to cut loose a little.

It Helps To Have A Short Memory...
There was a Zits cartoon a couple days ago, where Jeremy's dad asks Pierce (Jeremy's metal-headed body-pierced friend) if he ever listens to The Beatles. "Oh, of course!" replies Pierce, "All the time".
"What about Dylan, Led Zepplin and the Stones?"
"Sure!"
The dad walks away, content this his (my) generation has left an indelible stamp on the world of rock-&-roll. After he's gone, Pierce turns to Jeremy and asks, "Why were we talking about elevator music?"

That pretty much sums up Raising Sand. It's a nice album to use as background music when you want to concentrate on reading a good book. But one cringes to think what a young kid might conclude about Led Zepplin and Bluegrass if this is the only album he hears from these two. I'll cut Plant some slack, since he's an old geezer now. But Krauss is fairly young, and there's no excuse for her half-hearted efforts of the past 5 or 6 years.

So we'll give it six stars, which is pretty much my maximum score for easy-listening albums. If you can erase your memories of Led Zepplin and Union Station, then you may give this a higher rating. But if those LZ/US memories still linger, then you're gonna be kinda sad to see how far these two icons have devolved.

John Prine - In Concert !!

Who : John Prine (opening act : Jason Wilber)

Where : Orpheum Theater (Phoenix, Arizona)

When : 10 November 2007

Rating : B

This is the fourth time I've seen John Prine. The first time I saw him, the Cowboy Junkies were the opening act; the next time he opened for Bonnie Raitt; and last time, Iris DiMent opened for him.

I've been a JP fan for almost 40 years. He writes catchy tunes, plays a mean acoustic (usually) guitar, and the only one who can touch him as a lyricist is Randy Newman.

- VENUE -

The Orpheum Theater is ancient by Arizona standards. That means it's been around for 80 years or so. About 5 years ago, they spent beaucoup d'argent to fix it up again, as part of a general revitalizing of downtown Phoenix. Inisde, it looks like one of those Viennese concert halls that you see in the movies.

There is adequate parking nearby. They skimped on the A/C. It verged on being too hot for me. That means everyone else was comfortable.

The place seats about 1300. Alas, there's only one concession stand for buying drinks at Intermission. We tried. So did everyone else. We failed. Venue Rating : C.

- PRICES -

Tickets were $55. That seems a bit steep, although it has to be said the place was sold out. As mentioned, we weren't able to buy any refreshments. Jason Wilber had his CD on sale somewhere in the lobby, so maybe JP did likewise. If he did, I didn't find it what with 1300 people milling around in the lobby, trying to buy a drink. Prices Rating : C.

- CROWD -

This ain't no Metal concert. Half the people were dressed like it was an opera. A few feeble attempts by folks in the audience to clap along with the songs flickered out quickly.

One strange sidelight. As we were making our way into the hall, I noticed the guy in front of us (dressed like he had just gotten off work as an electrician), had an unusual adornment. In his back pocket was a cheap, yellow, plastic fly-swatter. No, this wasn't a Reader's Digest-promised flashback. I pointed out to Liz, and she saw it also.

Then at Intermission, I saw another guy, in blue jeans, also with a cheap, yellow, plastic fly-swatter in his pocket. All I could think of was that there was going to be a Rocky Horror Picture Show-ish moment where knowing people in the audience broke out the props. Alas, that never happened. The fly-swatters-at-a-concert phenomenon will forever remain a mystery. Crowd Rating : D+.

- OPENING ACT -

Jason Wilber played 7 or 8 songs on an acoustic guitar. He also happens to play lead guitar for JP, and is quite good. He's been doing that for some 10 years, and he is nicely influenced by the John Prine wit.

Alas, people playing unaccompanied acoustic guitar are a dime-a-dozen. Haply, he didn't make us wait too long for John. Opening Act Rating : C.

- JOHN PRINE -

What can I say? I love the guy. He wasn't on tour promoting his latest album, so this allowed him to play all his "fan-favorites" from the past four decades. He picked 'em good.

There was no drummer. Just JP, JW, and a guy who provided rhythm via a bass fiddle. At times, all three would be playing guitars. This may sound like it's rather minimalist, but it works when all three are accomplished musicians.

One thing I've noticed at all four John Prine concerts. People in the audience always feel compelled to request their favorite JP songs by shouting out the titles in between songs. It is blatantly obvious that John Prine already has a set song-list and I've never seen him deviate from it. Get a clue, people!

John played about 1½ hours, so you got your money's worth. The band chemisty was good, considering that the audience verged on being comatose. JP is older than me, so he's nearing the end of a long concert career. It looks like he mostly just plays on weekends anymore. If you have the chance to see him in concert, do it! John Prine Rating : A-.

Nightwish Concert !!

Who : Nightwish (opening act : Paradise Lost)

When : 07 November 2007 (doors opened at 6:30)

Where : Marquee Theater (Tempe, Arizona)

Rating : A-

- VENUE -

You have to accept that any Metal concert is going to be a standing-only affair, and will be in a cinder block-walled building where the acoustics suck.

If you're cool with that, then Marquee Theater is a great place . There is ample parking ($5 charge); a wide selection of draft beers and mixed drinks; the security is efficient but low-profile; and lordy-lordy the concert area was adequately cooled to accommodate an audience of 1000+.

The alcohol of choice for MetalHeads is beer. Don't ask for a wine list. And don't even try to buy liquor for minors; you WILL get your sorry a$$ kicked out immediately. Venue Rating : B+.

- PRICES -

Tickets were $23 apiece. Nightwish T-shirts were $30 ea.; a "hoodie" was $40. The Dark Passion Play CD was $20, and you got a Nightwish poster (approx. 11" x 17") free with the purchase.

I don't begrudge the expensive prices for the merchandise. The tickets were dirt cheap (they have to be for MetalHeads); and it's my understanding that merchandise sales is where the band itself makes its profits. Up yours, RIAA. Prices Rating : A.

- TIMING -

The doors did indeed open at 6:30 PM. Alas, Paradise Lost didn't start playing until 8:00. That's a long time to be standing around.

PL played for an hour, which brings us to 9:00. Then there was another 1-hour gap before Nightwish came on. That's 3½ hours after the doors opened.

We stayed until about 11:00 PM which was only about halfway thru NW's set. But that's way past our bedtime, and we both had to work the next morning. Timing Rating : D (but read on).

- CROWD -

The basic dress-code color is of course black. The overwhelming majority of the attendees were, naturally, teenage and 20-something MetalHeads. But there were several parents who were there with their young-teen kids; and a smattering of graybeards. I am happy to say I was not the oldest person there.

There was no moshing/pogo-ing. In general the ausience was well-behaved and loudly appreciative of the bands. Crowd Rating : A.

- OPENING ACT -

Paradise Lost is an English Doom/Heavy Metal band. They are apparently a lot better-known in Europe. There is a smattering of "symphonic" in their music, so they are a good fit with NW.

The lead guitarist played some excellent soloes. Or were they riffs? Or were they licks? I just know someone will explain the differences.

The drummer has a very good, eye-opening blog about touring, It is at :

www.paradiselost.co.uk/news/

It gives a great glimpse into the not-so-glamorous world of being on tour, and chastens me into cutting both bands a bit of slack when it comes to starting times. Opening Act Rating : B+.

- NIGHTWISH -

They are AWESOME!!

Lots of cuts from the DPP album. Anette Olzon makes you forget about Tarja, although I have to admit I've never seen the latter in concert. Okay, she did miss a note or two, but hey, what can you expect halfway through a grueling every-night North American tour?

NW had the crowd eating out of their hands. The chemistry certainly appeared to be good; the musicianship was superb; and the song selection was crowd-pleasing. We all sang along with the first song - Bye Bye Beautiful. Nightwish Rating : A.

Overall, it was a great concert; probably in my Top 5 favorite concerts ever; easily in the Top 10. Here's hoping they come back to Arizona next year.

Stirling : Against The Tide Of Years

Title : Against The Tide Of Years (1999)

Author : S.M. Stirling

Genre : Alternate History (454 pages)

Rating : B+

This Month I Read...
ATTOY is the second part of Stirling's "Nantucket" trilogy, where that island gets zapped from present-day back to the 1250 B.C. Bronze Age. Volume One (Island In The Sea Of Time) was previously reviewed. ATTOY takes place 8-10 years after IITSOT. The bad guys have been building up an empire in the Mediterranean. The good guys have been sailing all over the globe, have turned the British Isles into an oasis of civilization, have started Lewis-&-Clarking the North American continent, and have decided it's time to have a showdown with the bad guys.

What's To Like...
Like IITSOT, this is a fast-paced, action-packed book. The good guys go courting the Babylonians as allies (well, the Akkadians, actually) in an out-flanking maneuver. After disposing of the nasty Assyrians, they also go wooing the Hittites and the Trojans. How's that for some non-stereotypical allies?

Unlike Clive Cussler novels, bad things happen to the good guys. The Nantucket naval fleet runs smack-dab into a hurricane (with devastating results). The Babylonian venture is jeopardized by an outbreak of small-pox. The native priests blame it on the foreigners, and they might be right. It's never quite clear exactly how the outbreak started.

Meanwhile, the bad guys are actually doing some smart (and good) things. They overrun Sicily, they set up a fortified city at the straits of Gibraltar, and they reward some of their slaves by freeing them after years of faithful service.

In short, the two sides are very equally balanced.

What's Not To Like...
The plot loses just a bit of steam in ATTOY, but that's inherent in the middle book of any trilogy, including Tolkien's The Two Towers.

The same minor irritations from IITSOT carry over - Stirling's penchant for the emptying of the bowels as people die in battle, the excruciatingly tedious details about the science of sailing, etc. And now, about 25% of the political hero's vocabulary seems to consist of one word : "Ayup!"

Finally, unlike Volume One, there isn't any great big climax to close out Volume Two. The tension builds, the two forces meet on the plains of Ilium, and... um... and it's time to buy Volume Three.

Why Theology And Time-Travel Don't Mix...
Stirling isn't a big one to go into the theological implications of dropping a bunch of Yankee Christians back into 1250 B.C. The good guys allow the proselytizing of the Bronze Age England natives, and Stirling touches briefly on the fact that inroads are made. It's never clear if the natives comprehend the dogma, or if they merely accept the gods simply because they came with the conquering heroes.

Which got me to thinking - just how would one go about preaching the Gospel? Do you ask the barbarians to accept Jesus as their Saviour, when He's not going to show up for another 12½ centuries? And if you die before He does show up (which is a certainty), exactly what happens to you? Do you get a "Get Into Heaven Early" pass? Do you get to sleep for 1250 years (putting Rip Van Winkle to shame)? And do you make a note to interfere with Biblical history in the future, to make the Gospel story come out different? Did God zap these blokes back 300 years as some sort of cosmic joke, or did He have a purpose? Or perhaps this is all better explained as being an example of the Butterfly Effect.

But I digress. ATTOY is still a good read, albeit not quite up to the lofty standards of IITSOT. Despite being a bit anticlimactic, you'll still want to immediately start into the 630 pages of Volume Three, to make sure Good does triumph over Evil. This is still the best Alt-History I've read so far.

The Romanov Prophecy

Title : The Romanov Prophecy (384 pages)

Author : Steve Berry (2005)

Genre : Historical Fiction (Action)

Rating : B

This month I Read...
My second Steve Berry novel (the first was The Third Secret); this one is less Cri-Fi, and more action. Set in modern-day Russia, where the people have decided they want to return to having a Czar as a ruler, Miles Lord, an American Afro-American lawyer on business in Moscow, stumbles onto a prophecy that implies that not all of the Romanovs were killed by the Bolsheviks in 1918.

What's To Like...
Lots of action from the get-go. It's heavy on historical references, which suits me just fine. Rasputin becomes a prophet, and Youssopov is re-made as a good guy.

The book is a page-turner, and Berry once again doesn't bore you with page after page of philosophical preaching. Take a note, Dan Brown.

What's Not To Like...
If there's such a thing as TOO much action, this is it. Essentially, this is a 384-page chase scene. The bad guys, professional assassins all of them, can't seem to hit an elephant from 50 feet away (much like in the movie Miami Vice, but that's a subject for another post). The hero finds the bad guys repeatedly and incredibly picking up his trail, and never figures out that his boss might possibly be tipping them off.

Finally, the plot pretty much plays itself out with no surprise twists. Berry could take a lesson from Brown in that regard.

Talk About Implausibility...
The most important parameter for any historical fiction is its believability. And TRP fails that in one key area.

No, I'm not talking about some of the Czar's family surviving. That's been a romantic, albeit highly unlikely hypothesis for decades.

Nor am I talking about the incredible inaccuracy of the assassins. You can rationalize that away as being subject to the divinely-inspired prophecies of Rasputin.

The unbelievable part is the opening premise that a majority of the Russian people would for some reason want to return to Czarist rule. Pigs will fly before that happens. Some Russians may want democracy; some may want a return to the Communist days; some may want some sort of uber-nationalism; and who knows, some may want Dubnutz to come stay with them after we throw his a$$ out of office next year. However, the one thing they can all agree on - no one wants the return of the Czar.

But I digress. The Romanov Prophecy is another solid effort by Dan Brown-wannabee Steve Berry. If it isn't quite on the same level as The Da Vinci Code, it's still a good read while we wait for Brown to get off his butt and put out another novel.

Elvenking - The Winter Wake

Artist : Elvenking

Title : The Winter Wake (2006)

Genre : Folk Metal

Rating : ***** ***½ (out of 10*)

This Week I'm Listening To...
Elvenking is an Italian Metal band, formed in 1997. In addition to Folk Metal, RYM labels them as being Power Metal, Prog Metal, Melodic Death Metal, and Alternative Metal. The Winter Wake is their third album, and the first one I've listened to.

What's To Like...
Amazingly, the lead singer actually sings, not grunts. Even more amazingly, the rest of the band actually harmonizes !

The musicianship is superb. The lead guitar player is fantastic, as is the (electric) violin player. Even the bass player shines. The whole album is done with an energy that Bruce Springsteen only dreams of now that he's a geezer.

The blending of the folk and the metal is seamless. And the songs range from straight-up Metal to a nice ballad duet.

What's Not To Like...
Very little. Some have complained that all of Elvenking's albums sound the same. Maybe, but I haven't heard any of the others yet, so this doesn't apply to me.

Others say that the lead singer's voice takes some getting used to, so perhaps he needs a voice lesson or two. Personally, I think the vocals are quite good.

Also, although all the lyrics are in English, it is sometimes evident that it isn't their primary tongue. Track 09, "Rouse Your Dreams" comes off sounding like "Rose Your Dreams".

Finally, and worst of all, it doesn't appear that Elvenking has any plans for an American tour. Indeed, they rarely seem to venture outside of Italy.

The History Of Metal...
In the beginning there was Black Sabbath. Who, it must be admitted (grudgingly to Al), did come up with a new sound. And the gods of Metal saw that it was good.

And for the next 20 years, no one did anything different from the BS sound. But no one complained, because it was so much better than Disco, and Punk was for weenies.

And in the early 90's, the gods of Metal were exceedingly bored and said, "C'mon you guys. Let's have some diversification."

And Black Sabbath-sounding Metal begat the following...
Black Metal

Almost Black Metal

Black & Yellow Metal (Stryper)

Goth Metal

Visigoth Metal

Ostrogoth Metal

Doom Metal

Heretic Metal

Castle Wolfenstein Metal

Pagan Metal

Death Metal

Near-Death Metal

Comatose Metal

Industrial Metal

Commercial Metal

...and a host of other Metals. And none of these sounded any different from each other, nor from BS Metal. But it gave the Metal Snots something to philosophically argue about while they were listening to the same old sh*t.

And in the mid-to-late 90's, the gods of Metal said, "Oh for Pete's sake, how 'bout a little creativity already?!"

And groups like Nightwish, Elvenking and Within Temptation came into being, and explored the mixing of Metal with other genres. Which offended all the Metal Snots to no end ("There goes the neighborhood", they moaned), but breathed some much-needed life into the genre. And caused all sorts of music-lovers to finally take interest in it.

But I digress. The Winter Wake is a wonderful album. Despite song titles like "Rats Are Following", this is light-hearted "elven-themed" material. If you're looking for music to sacrifice a virgin to Beelzebub to, this ain't it. But if you want great, energetic, talented Folk Metal, it probably doesn't get any better than this.

Acronym of the Day : "TPT"

TPT stands for Trailer Park Trash. It's closely related to White Trash ("WT") although they're not quite synonymous. TPT can theoretically come in any color, while WT by definition can live in places other than a trailer.

One should regularly check one's house for TPT, since if left unchecked, they can become quite a nuisance. They can often be found lying on a couch, snoozing in the spare bedroom, or rummaging through one's refrigerators in search of food and booze.

This has been a public service bulletin, put out by your local chapter of AA (Acronyms Anonymous).

Island in the Sea of Time

Title : Island In The Sea Of Time (608 pages)

Author : S. M. Stirling (1998)

Genre : Alternate History

Rating : A

This Month I Read...
IitSOT is part one of an Alternate-History trilogy where the island of Nantucket (and a bit of the seas around it) gets transported back in time from present-day to the Bronze Age of 1250 B.C. The first order of business is simply to survive the oncoming winter, since very few of the Nantucketeers are skilled in hunting, gathering, fishing, and trapping.

What's To Like...
This is the best Alt-Hist book I've read so far. The plot moves fast; there's lots of action; and the meticuous research by Stirling is obvious.

Unlike Eric Flint's 163X series, the Good Guys actually make a few mistakes here. And the Bad Guy, believe it or not, is not Evil Incarnate. He's ambitious, he's Machiavallian, and he's inventive. And he and his cohorts manage to spring a number of surprises on the Forces of Goodness, which is a pleasant change-of-pace.

The good guys' fighting hero is a gay, female black; which is certainly not stereotypical. And lest you think the author is trying to foist his bleeding-heart liberal philosophy on you, he also takes some rather reactionary pokes at gun-control, whaling, and tree-hugging. Yet all this is woven neatly into the plot. No page-after-page "preaching" such as Flint and even Dan Brown are given to.

Finally, there's actually a climactic ending to the book, even though it's just the first of three volumes. Robert Jordan could've taken some pointers here.

What's Not To Like...
There's too much space devoted to the technical part of sailing. Good lord, I feel like I'm reading a Tom Clancy novel.

Stirling gets fixated on a variety of things. To wit, the sounds effects of war; the fact that one's bowels 'void' as one dies in battle (and the consequent stench thereof); the 'down-hominess' of the Good Guys' political hero.

He also seems to spend a lot of time on the erotic thoughts of the lesbian pair. There's nothing wrong with Stirling giving us his insight in this matter, but you'd think that nothing else enters the minds of these two when they're not fighting and killing. Then there's the Bad Lady's penchant for S&M. Although Stirling handles the sex scenes better than Harry Turtledove does, one still gets the feeling that they're primarily there to make teenage boys hot and sweaty.

Finally, the tree-hugging AmerIndian-saving Pamela Lisketter is just too stereotypical to be believed.

We Are Yankees, Hear Us Roar...
It should be noted that, like Flint's 163X series, we once again have a small, intrepid group of Americans enlightening the rest of the non-American past-world with our superior technology, government, philosophy, and overall goodness. Just once, I'd like to see something like a modern-day Chinese army dropped into, say, 1700's America. Or maybe the entire nation of 21st-century France. Or the 20th-century British Imperial Navy. Let's reverse the roles for a change.

It should also be noted that Nantucket Island had an inordinate number of world-renowned history and industrial specialists on the Island at the moment of the time-swap. And a nearby Coast Guard steel-plated windjammer conveniently gets zapped into the Bronze Age along with the island.

None of these "picked nits" detract from the story, including the fact that a 100-pound Ninja babe can kick any-and-all 200-pound male, barbarian a$$. In reality, the odds of the present-day Nantucket surviving a year in the Bronze Age would be extremely long. Stirling is fully allowed to follow in Flint's footsteps (or is it the other way around?) and "stack the deck" in order allow the story to go on more than one winter.

But I digress. This book was a real page-turner for me. And ultimately, that's what counts the most when I read a book for pleasure. We'll give it a solid "A", and see whether the other two books in the trilogy can keep up the pace.

Nightwish - Dark Passion Play

Artist : Nightwish

Title : Dark Passion Play (2007)

Genre : Symphonic Metal

Rating : ***** ****½ (out of 10*)

This Week I'm Listening To...
Nightwish's sixth full-length studio release, and the first wthout dearly departed Tarja Turunen. 70 minutes of Symphonic Metal. Heavy on the "Symphonic"; light on the "Metal". Indeed, as with Within Temptation's most recent release (The Heart Of Everything), it could be said that there's more Hard Rock here than Metal.

What's To Like...
If you liked Nightwish's Once album, you're gonna love DPP. Tuomas Holopainen's songwriting keeps getting better and more complex with every release. The new female vocalist - Anette Olzon - is well up to the task of replacing a legend; albeit she's not as opera-oriented as Tarja. There's some hard rock; some soft ballads; a new plunge by Tuomas into composing Celtic music; two long proggy opuses (The Poet & The Pendulum @ 14 minutes, and Meadows Of Heaven @ 7 minutes); and of course, lots of superb symphonic arrangements.

What's Not To Like...
Not much. Two of the tracks are Nightwish's slaps at Tarja (Bye Bye Beautiful) and her husband/manager Marcelo Cabuli (Master Passion Greed). There is still a lot of bitterness there.

Is The Phrase "Metal Snot" An Oxymoron?
Most of the criticism of this album falls into two catergories. First, there are people b*tching because Tarja's gone. Second, there are Metal Snots out there who feel that Nightwish has "sold out", and has become too mainstream.

Folks, the old Nightwish line-up was doomed the day Tarja decided to promote her husband to being her business manager. The guy's found his meal ticket, and he doesn't want to share her earnings with the rest of the group. It was simply a matter of who was gonna dump whom. Get over it. And if you can't, be aware that Tarja's new album (My Winter Storm) will be released next month. We'll see if we can find a jpeg of its cover.

Metal Snots. I've met some. These are the folks that think that all vocals must be grunted, guitars are only allowed to thrash (heaven forbid that anyone should play a chord); and the lyrics have to center around devil worship. The "Metal Snottiness Winner" is he who claims to love the raunchiest Metal. As in, "Oh, you're into Cannibal Corpse. They're okay, I guess. But too mainstream for me. I prefer to listen to Rottweiler's Impaled Entrails". (Snorts). Of course, RIE is probably the Metal Snot's older brother's garage band, which plays for free and makes The Sex Pistols look like accomplished musicians.

Frankly, I don't think Nightwish cares a flying fig whether the Metal Snots like the direction they're going or not. DPP has sold more than a quarter million copies already, and it's been out less than a month. Tarja who?

But I digress. Dark Passion Play is a great album, and a candidate for "Best Of 2007". Nightwish is in Phoenix on 07 November. With a little bit of luck, I'll get my doctor's okay to attend the (stand-up only) concert.

Website of the Day

Dogs In Danger

http://www.dogsindanger.com/

The Sunday paper had a great article about this organization, which is trying to make a small dent in the 4 million dogs euthanized each year in the USA.

1634 - The Galileo Affair

Title : 1634 : The Galileo Affair (2004)

Authors : Eric Flint & Andrew Dennis (667 pages)

Genre : Alternate History

Rating : D+

This Month I Read...
1634TGA is the first "1634" book in the 163x series to make it to paperback. This time, the USE (United States of Europe) send a diplomatic mission to Venice to develop strategic political and commercial alliances. Coincidentally, Galileo is going on trial in Rome for his allegedly heretical teaching that the earth revolves around the sun, and not vice versa. The protagonists in the book get to be both the defense attorney for Galileo, and his potential jail-springers.

What's To Like...
There's 667 pages to make you feel like you're getting your money's worth of reading material.

There's a number of new characters to get to know. Most notably, the resident hippie-cum-chemist, Tom Stone ("Stoner") and his three raised-in-a-commune sons. By "new", we mean they didn't appear in 1632 or 1633. They are introduced in the Ring Of Fire - Grantville Gazette anthology, which we'll review some other time.

You get to get up close and personal with 17th Century Venice. And if you're burnt out on all the fighting and killing in 1632/1633, you'll find this a much lighter-hearted book.

What's Not To Like...
There's very little action. 600 pages into this book, you realize there's been a grand total of one botched assassination attempt, one street brawl, and one pointless murder. The rest is, how shall we say it, drama. Sheesh, if I want drama, I'll go read Wuthering Heights. We read Alternate History for the action, and of course, the advancement of a parallel history.

And that brings up the second shortcoming of the book. It doesn't contribute one bit to the new timeline. Oh, relations are established with Venice. And Galileo goes on trial. But none of the dozens of loose ends from 1632/1633 are addressed, let alone tied up.

Worst of all, the theme of this book, "The Galileo Affair" comes off as unbelievable and shoddily written. The Swiss Guards appear to be the 1600's equivalent of the Keystone Kops. And although Father Mazzare gives a brilliant defense of Galileo, the author(s) don't see fit to give us any details of it. Both sloppy and lazy.

Where Does This Road Go, and Why Is It Paved with Good Intentions?
It's hard to know who to blame for this book. One suspects 99% of this was written by Andrew Dennis, with Flint's only contribution being to add legitimacy to it by putting his name on the cover, and to make sure AD doesn't write anything into the plot that might interfere with whichever way Flint intends to develop his particular 1634 sequel.

Flint's approach to developing the 163x world is certainly well-intended. He's allowing a number of other writers to contribute whole volumes to it. In theory, that allows "other viewpoints" to come into play. In practice, however, it means you're going to be reading a lot of meaningless, tangential "fluff".

Two other 1634 books are out in Hardcover. 1634 - The Bavarian Crisis, and 1634 - The Baltic War. And Flint is supposedly working on 1634 - Escape From The Tower. So it appears we will be stuck in 1634 for quite a few years. And we'll be paying $7.99 for each and every plot-advancement, with the occasional rip-off of no plot-advancement at all. I suspect, therefore, that 1634TGA will be the last book I read in this series, at least until the paperback versions start showing up at the used book store.

But I digress. 1634 - The Galileo Affair is a well-meaning but ultmately boring tome. If you just can't get enough of 163x, this may tide you over until Flint finishes his 1634 contribution. But for everyone else, you won't be missing anything important if you skip this yawner.

Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

Title : (The) Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (109 minutes)

Genre : Science Fiction (MPAA Rating : PG)

Rating : ****½ (out of 5*)

This Weekend I Watched...
HHGTTG was released in 2005, and decades of delays, which were in part due to Douglas Adams' lack of businessmanship, and in part due to waiting for technology to get to where some justice could be done to this novel. The movie got mixed reviews and left itself open for a sequel (The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe). But any plans to make TRATEOTU are apparently stillborn.

What's To Like...
The aliens are done to perfection by Jim Henson's puppeteers. The plot moves along at a swift pace - no dull spots in the entire movie. The humor is first-rate and varies between Adam's nonsensical wit, shallow slapstick humor, and the much-more subtle British humour. The cinematography is simply awesome.

What's Not To Like...
It's essential to read the book first. But it's then important to realize that Douglas Adams' book contains absolutely no plot. The beauty of the book HHGTTG (besides the nerdy wink-winks about "42" being the answer to everything, and admonishing other geeks not to forget their towel) is the pointless-yet-witty sermonettes by Adams. Alas, making a coherent movie from that is a daunting task.

So if you're looking for a faithful reproduction of the story, forgetabout it. The movie does include some of Adams' witty sidebar comments, but the majority are left out. Worse yet, the director actually invented a "storyline" for the movie.

Finally - did I mention this? - you have to read the book first. Liz didn't, and was bored silly after 10 minutes.

So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish...
There's really no middle ground for rating this movie. Non-readers will find it hopelessly confusing. Purists who revere the book and/or the chintzy TV series will hate it as well.

OTOH, if you recognize the shortcomings of the book (great commentary; lousy plot), then you will probably find this movie to be a real treat. In the end, it should be remembered that not even Douglas Adams himself could duplicate HHGTTG. The literary sequel (TRATEOTU) is mediocre, and Volume 3 (Life, The Universe, and Everything) is wretched. If there is a Volume 4 and 5 (and there is, IIRC), I don't think anyone has ever read them.

So enjoy the movie, relive the craziness, kiss a dolphin, and don't forget your towel.

Bruce Springsteen - Magic

Artist : Bruce Springsteen

Title : Magic (2007)

Genre : Rock

Rating : ***** ** (out of 10*)

This Week I'm Listening To...
The Boss is back, and this time he's decided to rock again. I guess he's had enough of being Mr. Story-Teller (Devils & Dust) and enough of being a folk-singer (The Seeger Sessions).

The Springsteen diehards are saying this takes him back to the Born To Run, Darkness on the Edge of Town, and The Wild, The Innocent and the East Street Shuffle days, but that's just wishful thinking. At best, this is a return to the Born In The USA days - when Bruce chose to "popify" his Rock & Roll in order to get more radio airplay.

What's To Like...
The tunes are all catchy little things, assuming you're cool with Bruce doing Pop-Rock. None of the songs come off as being filler. The East Street Band is back, including Clarence Clemons on saxophone.

What's Not To Like...
The studio mixing positively sucks. All the musical instruments seem to get pureed into a mushy background mix. I wonder if this was deliberate. If so, the studio engineer should be fired on the spot.

Bruce once again has a bad case of mumble-mouth. This started on D&D. Does this mean that The Boss' voice is shot? Or does he think that lousy enunciation comes off as being "sulkily brooding"? What's next - Bruce grunting like a metal vocalist? Let's hope not.

Then there's the small matter of repetitive lyrics. Here's a lame exercise to do - take the title phrase to each song (for instance, Track #1 is "Radio Nowhere"), then count how many times Bruce repeats it in the song. I'm sorry. We may tolerate a no-talent skirt like Britney doing this, but more is expected from the guy who wrote the brilliant tale-spinning lyrics for the TWTI&TESS album.

Finally, everyone on this album sounds ...well... tired. It's like Bruce's spirit wants to rock again, but the body keeps telling him to slow down cuz he's a geezer. The East Street Band comes off the same way. Are they feeling geezerish too, or did Bruce demand that they "tone it down" so as to not steal his spotlight?

Old Musicians Never Die, They Just Go From 45 RPM to 33....
Is it inherent that old rockers lose their pep? Maybe, maybe not. Let's look at the pro's and con's of this.

Rockers Who Have Become Geezers

01. Paul McCartney
Hasn't put out anything notable since "Uncle Albert". The last couple albums have been sheer schlock.
02. Lindsey Buckingham
Waited 14 years to put out a yawner. See my review a few months back for more details.
03. The Strawbs
Yeah, this is one of my favorite groups, but Deja Fou was painfully uninspiring.
04. Rod Stewart
The standard-setter for geezer rockers. His American Songbook series was pitiful. And he kept on doing it and doing it.
Now you might want to cut Rod some slack, since he was having voice issues. But consider the following...

Old Rockers Who Still Haven't Become Geezers

01. Meatloaf
He's older than me, he's had worse vocal problems than Rod, and he still puts 100% into his albums. Eat my shorts, Rod; and get back to work.
02. Carlos Santana
A high-energy act in the 1970's, who hasn't slowed down since.
03. Bon Jovi
I'm not a huge Bon Jovi fan (that's Liz's department). But listen to the "Have A Nice Day" album and compare it to "New Jersey" or any other early BJ stuff. The musicianship has evolved, but the energy level was, and remains, high.

Finally, "Tired Geezer Syndrome" should not be confused with bands who have lost contact with their Muse. In other words, the energy is still there, and so is the talent. But the creativity is gone. Some examples...

01. REO Speedwagon
Yes, Virginia, they still put out albums. They sound good, but nothing really jumps out and grabs you anymore.
02. Bad Company
2 good albums, followed by decades of "lounge-music rock".
03. The Rolling Stones
They lost their Muse halfway through Exile On Main Street, and have never got her back. What separates them from the rest of the Museless bands is - I don't think The Stones are even trying to find their Muse again.

But I digress. Springsteen's Magic has some serious flaws, but it's still a worthwhile acquisition. It's not a return to the Glory Days, but it's a step in the right direction We need to encourage Bruce to a.) get a better Mixing Engineer, b.) let the East Street Band shine a bit more, and c.) keep on rockin'. We'll give this seven stars, and hope that a "re-mastered" version of it comes out in the not-too-distant future.

RIP - Robert Jordan

Robert Jordan (James Oliver Rigney)

10/17/48 - 09/16/07

We note and mourn the passing of Robert Jordan, author of Wheel of Time {"WoT"} series, due to a rare but deadly heart disease called Cardiac Amyloidosis.

He is also the apparent coiner of at least one acronym : "RAFO" ("Read And Find Out").

WoT's To Like...
The Wheel Of Time series has thrilled a great many fantasy readers, myself included. Set in an incredibly-complex passing of one age to the next, you have the standard Tolkienesque characters - the Ultimate Evil (The Dark Lord), who's about to become All-Powerful; his 12 Almost-As-Evils (The Forsaken); the reluctant pre-ordained Hero (Rand al-Thor; The Dragon Reborn), and his friends and colleagues, who intentionally and unintentionally further the progress and the prophecies concerning our hero.

All standard fantasy schtick, you say? Well, what sets Robert Jordan apart is his penchant for details, character development, and a mind-boggling set of sub-plots that somehow all seem to be part of a predestined plan.

WoT's Not To Like...
Hmmm. Well, at times the plot/progress seems to drag to a halt. The early books seemed to follow a fixed equation - Rand al-Thor bumping off two of The Forsaken per book. The math-types like me quickly calculated that we were looking at a 7-book series here, assuming the final book to be the Armageddon-ish battle with the Dark Lord, hmself.

Jordan must've decided that was too short, so he started to bring back the vanquished evilnesses in later books. So you eventually found that you'd invested a lot of reading-time, and hadn't really gotten anywhere. Indeed, a rough adding-up of the first eleven books shows I've read about 9,600 pages and 3.4 million words.

Then there's the small matter of loose ends. After eleven books about an ever-expanding universe, you got the feeling that Jordan had lost control of the storyline, and that he'd never be able to bring it to a coherent conclusion. I've seen this happen before - most notably with Robert Asprin and his "Myth" series. And it's happening with Eric Flint's "163x" series as well.

Jordan promised to tie everything up in the next book ("A Memory Of Light"), even if it took 1500 pages. Alas, that won't happen now, even if someone ghost-writes the last book. But to be honest, I seriously doubt Jordan himself could've accomplished that. There are simply too many sub-plots.

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass...
I'll resist the temptation to heap tons and tons of accolades on Robert Jordan. He was a good writer, maybe even a worthy successor to Tolkien. One grew to love the characters in his books, and to marvel at sub-stories he wove. Even when the plot stalled, the books were an interesting read.

We will miss him, and the WoT universe.

Raid! (a)

Our quiet little cul-de-sac had a not-so-quiet morning today. At 9:00 AM, the sheriff's department conducted a raid. No, not on our house. Twas on a house catty-cornered across from us.

Raid! (b)

There were cops with assault rifles converging on the house, both from the front, and climbing over the back walls. Sorry, no pictures of this. They didn't wait for me to get my camera.

Raid! (c)

In all, we had five sheriff's cars on the cul-de-sac.

Raid! (d)

Here's the house that they raided. Note that there's a red car in the driveway, that wasn't of much interest to them. It was much more about the contents of the house (and maybe the backyard), and a pick-up that hadn't shown up yet.

Raid! (e)

And the cooler is for?? Either to keep seized evidence in it for transport to the lab. Or the cops' sandwiches and bottled water.

The sheriffs weren't real thrilled about me acting like a dumb tourist and taking pictures from my front lawn. Their "official" story to me was that the red car was a stolen vehicle. No one on the cul-de-sac is buying that story. There was a lot of traffic at odd hours at this house. People driving up, staying for five minutes, then quickly leaving.

Raid! (f)

By 11:00, the pick-up of interest had shown up. Along with a tow truck. And a re-arrangement of the cop cars. I should mention that at least two of the house's residents were cuffed and taken away.

Raid! (g)

Here's a good view of the pick-up. I wasn't outside when it arrived, so I don't know if they cuffed the driver or not.

Raid! (h)

The cops were verrryyyyy interested in the contents of the carpenter's box in the back of the pick-up.

Raid! (i)

Found something!

Raid! (j)

After the truck-search was done, it was time for the tow truck to do its thing.

Raid! (k)

Bye bye, pick-up!

Raid! (l)

Now I know what you're thinking - hey, Terry! This really could've been a stolen vehicle case. Well, here's a picture from 5:00 PM. Cop tape all around the house, and a sheriff sitting watch. Kinda strange, if the stolen truck and the perp were both taken into custody 6 hours earlier, doncha think?

You'll also note that the place where the aliens built their short-lived summer house is right in front of this house. Liz says if I even hint that this is related to that incident, she's doubling my medicine.

So we'll close this story for the time being, and scour the paper tomorrow for a mention of the raid.

Harry Turtledove - How Few Remain

Title : How Few Remain (1997; 594 pages)

Author : Harry Turtledove

Genre : Alternate History

Rating : C+

This Month I Read...
Harry Turtledove is a prolific author of Science Fiction and Alternate History books. This was my first Turtledove book.

HFR is "pure" Alt-History. The timeline doesn't change due to some inscrutable cosmic event. Instead, McClellan's army doesn't intercept Lee's battle plans after Antietam. With the US army kept in the dark, Lee is victorious in the battlefield; England and France recognize the new nation; and the Confederate States of America gains independence.

HFR is set in 1881, when the "second war of independence" erupts between the North and the South.

What's To Like...
The book is a great "What-If" novel. Turtledove weaves a detailed alternate timeline by following a number of historical figures. Abraham Lincoln is doing the speech-giving circuit and contemplating becoming a socialist. Teddy Roosevelt is a bronco-bustin' cowboy in Montana. James Longstreet is the president of the CSA. Frederick Douglass is giving anti-slavery rallies. Samuel Clemens runs a newspaper in San Francisco and rails against the folly of war. George Custer, Jeb Stuart, Stonewall Jackson, and even Geronimo are also followed.

Some of the good guys die. Some of the bad guys live. And, unlike many other works of fiction, you can't predict who lives/dies by the author's character development (or lack thereof).

What's Not To Like...
Well, if the character-development is superb, the plot-advancement is non-existent. Mexico sells the states of Sonora and Chihuahua to the CSA, which for some unfathomable reason p*sses off the USA to the point of going to war. So far, so cool.

Alas, the total events of the war consist of a few CSA minor victories in Arizona; some skirmishes between the US and Canadians/Brits in Montana, a British naval raid on San Francisco, and the USA for some reason trying to take (of all places) Louisville, Kentucky. That's it. Failing in those endeavors, the USA calls off the war. Talk about a lack of resolve.

Turtledove tells the story from a pro-CSA POV, so the issue of slavery in the South is downplayed, almost to being ignored. James Blaine, the US President, is given short shrift. It would've been nice to understand the workings inside his head as to why he decided to quickly go to war, then just as quickly opted out.

Oh yeah, and the couple of sex scenes are incredibly lame and completely pointless. Were they put in there to titillate teenage male readers? If so, it failed miserably.

Why I've Been A Lifelong Alt-History Fanatic...
I read my first Alt-History book 45 years ago. It was titled "If The South Had Won The Civil War" (yep, same theme), and if you google that, you will find that it is by MacKinlay Kantor and was re-issued in the 1990's, and is still available from Amazon.

Looking back, it was a rather tepid attempt at Alt-Hist. The South wins; Texas secedes from the CSA; slavery again gets downplayed; and the three countries remain best-of-buddies for a hundred years. After a century of group-hugs and bonding, they all schedule a joint news conference, and it's strongly implied that Reunification will occur.

Okay, it was not a hard-hitting book. But I was in 5th or 6th grade at the time, and despite its lameness, I thoroughly enjoyed the "What If" scenario. That passion for Alternate History has stayed with me ever since. The genre is done much better nowadays, but I think it's fair to say that that's because science fiction & science fantasy as a whole are done much better nowadays.

But I digress. Your opinion of How Few Remain will hinge on how important a plot is to you. For me, this was a fun read, and I enjoyed "getting to know" the various historical characters. But the story didn't go anywhere. The war came, the war went, and nothing really changed and/or progressed. I came away with the feeling that Turtledove only wrote this to set up the characters in his World War One Alternate-History series. The first book of that series (second if you count HFR) is on my "to be read" bookshelf, albeit, along with a dozen other "must-read" books. So eventually, I'll find out whether this tangential timeline takes off or fizzles out.